OMGoodness! I Have a SENIOR! How Do I Do This Year?

Nellie Harden: 00:00:04

Hello and welcome to the 6570 family project podcast. If you are a parent of a tween teen or somewhere on the way, this is exactly the place for you. This is the playground for parents who want to raise their kids with intention, strength and joy. Come and hear all the discussions, get all the tactics and have lots of laughs along the way. We will dive into the real challenges and raising kids today how to show up as parents and teach your kids how to show up as members of the family and individuals of the world. My name is Nellie Hardin, big city girl turns small towns sipping iced tea on the front porch mama, who loves igniting transformation in the hearts and minds of families by helping them build selfless discipline and leadership that elevates the family experience. And sets the kids up with a rock solid foundation they can launch their life on all before they ever leave home. This is the 6570 family project. Let's go Hello, everybody. Welcome to another episode of the 6570 family project podcast. We are putting aside these big old power struggles that can come with the teen and tween years. And we're finding the path to really lead our young women and our young men toward the confidence, respect and wisdom mental wellness altogether that they need in order to prepare them for the world. And you guys today's episode who hits it was it's a hard one for me. I have a senior now. And high five to all of you parents out there who have gone through this I am. I wouldn't say I have fully

Nellie Harden: 00:01:49

brought this fact into my heart my head, probably but not my heart. It still sounds so weird to say I have a senior it still sounds so weird to say I have a daughter. That's 17 I still feel so young. Right? Any parents out there? I still feel young. How do I have a 17 year old? I don't know. But I wanted to kind of address this change this transition again, right? We go through some big transitions as parents is in the parenthood journey as kids and the kid journey, right. And so they of course, when they're born, there's a huge transition their toddler years, they're going through a brain transition. And then in there's the great transition between the first half of childhood to the second half of childhood around that eight 910 area, and definitely leaking into either direction of that. And then there's another brain transition in the teen and tween years. And don't we all know that right? And then now toward the end of this very specific 6570 parenthood childhood experience. There's another transition, right? And transitions are hard. Change is hard. It's inevitable. But it can be really hard. It can be simple, but it's not easy, right? And let's face it, this one, it isn't simple, right? We there are so many different things to prepare both logistically definitely in the mind, definitely in the heart in order to have this transition from in the home to out of the home, what they're going to do, where they're going to go. And there's so many options that they can do after high school, right, we've had some great podcasts and guests that have come on and discuss those things. So whatever that is preparing that for preparing them for that, especially in their senior year. That's a lot. It's a lot you guys. And so I want to hear from I want you guys come on into the family architects club, if you're not in there already. It is a group specifically formed especially for parents of teen tween young women. And if you are going through this, I want you in the club and I want to be having these discussions with you too. So just look up family architects club and Facebook, you'll find that private community I want you in there, but and anyone else that has a daughter eight to 18 that is the place for you. Okay, but let's talk about this for a little bit. So the moment I realized, and I say I realized it felt like I don't know that you guys know me the the I liked his and if you don't know me, please know that I just bring up movie references like this. I grew up with a lot of movies, love movies, and Roger Rabbit actually comes into my head, like why does that have to do with it? Because when the all of a sudden you're standing there and the ton of bricks come down with the little Acme sign on them come down and crush the person below them. Right? That's how I've felt you guys it was just I was just standing there. And then all of a sudden this huge bag full of bricks or a ton of bricks just comes down and squishes me. So we were at I I volunteer and I serve with a bunch of teen and tween young men and women. And we were celebrating the seniors of this year. And I was like, okay, of course, I know, you know, several of them. And we were getting up, we were supporting them, we were hearing their stories. And just like that, I was sitting there, and I was listening to their stories. And that is when that big old ton of bricks fell on me and said, this is you next year, this is her next year, right? We only have one more year left, right. And I work with people through this transition all the time and everything but it's just like, you know, a doctor, think about an oncologist right? They go through it, they know all the motions, they know what to do they know what the best route is, they understand this, but when it happens to them, it's a whole different story. So forgive me through this, as I'm experiencing this through my own perspective. And, you know, my kids range from 12 to 17. So this is just going to keep happening.

Nellie Harden: 00:05:59

So this is a big shift that that ton of bricks hit me, I was a mess. Of course, I'm a huge crier, y'all, so I was a mess. And that's fine. I didn't use to allow myself to cry or be very emotional. And I've just really kind of let go of that suffocating boundary on myself and just let myself be emotional when I'm emotional. So anyway, so this means another shift in parenting again, again, and I understand from my own experience, but from so many I work with, and you and the stories I hear from you how exhausting that can feel, you're like I just shifted, we have to shift again, like I just did this for, you know, reason, ABC, D or Z. And now I have to shift again, another one. And there's even more coming alongside of them during this time, right, even more coming alongside your senior, less directing. But pulling in if you need to write giving shelter, if you need to, if you can think about it, when they're younger, sometimes you can put a if something really tragic happens, or all of these, you know, you have you have small conversations with them, and you put up more of a bubble around them. But now it's more of just an umbrella, right, just a small umbrella over them, they can still see everything that's happening. But just know I'm here for you. I'm right here, let's talk about this, let me guide you through this, like we're gonna be okay. And this this last year is also their last year of protected accountability, right. And she needs to know that she needs to know that her decisions now are going to affect the rest of her life. And it's not how it used to be. And that weight can be very overbearing on some kids. It's I remember when I went through it, it was very, very overbearing. Now I left home when I was 17. That's just I when I graduated high school, I didn't turn 18 Until I was into my freshman year of college. And but I remember that summer, especially that my senior year in my summer, just felt so much pressure, there was so much pressure like Will I get it all in? Will I do everything I want to do? Will I do everything I need to do, right? Did I do? Did I fill in the boxes? Did I put in the essays? Did I you know, serve? Did I have save up enough money, all these things, right? And I really have to take that into account with where she is and how she's feeling and she feels some pressure from herself even though you know, we talked about alleviating it, but also learning or No, I get it. There is a lot of pressure now, right? Your grades, your college apps. If they're not going if your child isn't going to college, what are they going to do afterwards? Right, that decision? Are they going into the military? What does that look like? Are they going into some kind of trade? What do they have to do to prepare for that? Are they just getting a job? All the things right? And so this last year is all about preparation, but also savoring? So preparing and savoring it's all of these lasts, right? Which, yes, the end of one story is always the beginning of another. And this isn't the end of a story. It's just the end of a phase. It's the end of the parenthood childhood, dynamic and experience of the 6570. And we're not there yet, and I'm not gonna cry right now. But we're not there yet. Right? We still have time. And seeing how all of her siblings and are reacting toward this right? She's the first one leaving. So the look of what you know, quote unquote, this is us looks like it's shifting and it's changing. And we're all going to always be the six of us but the day to day that's going to change and it's becoming very, very evident. You're on her sisters especially and ourselves too. But our as parents, we have our own feelings. We have our own hesitations, we have our own thoughts, right. But we're also taking care of the hesitations, the feelings and thoughts of our other kids in our including our senior, and then our other kids that are seeing this transformation happening, right. So I just want to say too, is like mom to mom, do me a favor. And if you know someone, if you've been through this, right, and you know, someone that is going through this now, don't blow them off. I've experienced this myself already. Right. And, you know, I'm having some feelings and some trepidations. And there's just a lot, this is a huge transition when going into senior year. And then seeing people that graduate this year and seeing what the moms are going through and all of their, you know, posts in there, me talking to them and all these things. And then to have someone that's been through it, and it might be, you know, two 350 years ago that they went through it, oh, it's fine, you'll be fine. You know, everyone does it, and just kind of blowing it off. And it can really be painful. You want somebody to understand and come alongside you and say, you know, I understand I get it. And this is hard. This is really hard. And I'm here to talk if you want to, I can share my experience with it. But yeah, it's going to be a you know, a difficult transition this year. So just mom to mom, I'm just imploring you don't ever blow off somebody else's, no matter what it's about. Don't ever blow off somebody else's pain or journey that they're going through. Just because you've been through it, too. Every single person has a different journey. And so what you experienced is not going to be exactly what they experienced, and vice versa. But you can share your experience and you can just be empathetic toward what is happening with them. So hug them hard. Take the

Nellie Harden: 00:12:06

and I'm talking about our kids right now, I realize I switch topics. So with our kids are seniors hug them hard, right? Hug them hard take in the special moments and the hard ones. Look at them, just look at them. Right, you've helped create them, you've been the architect behind this project. And it's not over this project is not over from the first day when you met them. Or even way before that for my husband and I we went through years of infertility before we had kids. And then we had four kids and four years. And so I have she's only 17. But I have deeply loved her for over 20 years, right? Just not even knowing who she would be yet. But I have deeply loved her for over 20 years because we went through that, right. And because of that, we've been very intentionally planning and designing and building her life, her physical life, and also her mental and emotional and logistical all the things life. And then in the second half of childhood, we've partnered with her and building to build who she is becoming right. And this phase is almost finished, but we're not there yet. So I just implore you, this is just a short message today and a hug from me to you to anyone else that has a senior out there, or a child going into their senior year. This is going to be this is going to be a interesting year, maybe a rough year in some patches a glorious year and other in other ways, right? Such a celebration, but also pulling at parts of your heart you probably didn't know you could talk at right. And so we're gonna be okay guys. But use this time and don't waste it. Don't waste this time. And that doesn't mean I'm putting the pressure that at the Acme pile of bricks on you to be everything all the time everywhere for this person, right. They have to learn right now. You know, there is things in life that are responsibilities, and they need to know that now more than any time else. Right. But life is not everyday 24/7 Being in this beautiful glamorize. Tiktok real right. It is moments that are strung together in this beautiful array. And then we can look back and see Yes, yes, yes, we did that. Yes, we were there. Yes. We saw that. Yes. We experienced that. Yes. We recovered from that. Yes. We learned Yes, we were hurt. Yes, we healed right. All these yeses can be strung together in this beautiful array of what the 6570 childhood parenthood experience has been. So laugh, be super goofy, be super adventurous, be vulnerable. Cry, wrestle with the hard stuff. And just laugh and grow and finish up this experience this project with excellence. You guys, I believe in you, I want to hear from you. Let's help each other through this year. I have been through this so many times with other people. And now I'm going through it for myself with the senior year. And, yeah, it's it's interesting to see inside of this scope, and adding to my perspective that I have on the world. But it's been, it's been a magical time so far. And I have no doubt that this last year is going to be magical and all of the good and hard and amazing ways as well. So okay, you guys, what am I going to say? Keep teaching, keep teaching, keep laughing, keep loving, and remember above all, to just keep showing up in this 6570 parenthood childhood experience, because they need you in their senior year. No exception. Okay, guys, I will see you next time.