Episode 19

full
Published on:

8th Dec 2021

The Beauty of Predictability and Why You Should Break It!

It is important, almost vital today to have a schedule and it is just as important to break it.  In this episode, I go over what a schedule can look like for you and your family, why it’s important to keep one, and all the different ways and reasons to break it.  

About the Host: (bio, personal links, resource links)

Nellie Harden is a wife of 20+ years, mom to 4 teen/tween daughters, dreamer, adventurer, servant, multipreneur, forever student, and a devoted teacher, but her ride-or-die passion is her work as a Family Life Coach & Mentor.  

Coming from a career background in marine mammal sciences, behavioral work, and a host of big life experiences, both great and not some not so great, she decided that designing a life of purpose and freedom was how she and her husband, along with their 4 daughters, wanted to live.  

Her work and passions exist in the realms of family and parent mentorship because she believes that a family filled with creativity, fun, laughter, challenge, adventure, problem-solving, hugs, good food, and learning can not only change a person’s life but is the best chance at positively changing the world.  

She helps families build Self-Led Discipline™ & Leadership Into their homes, sets their children up for a wildly successful life on their terms, and elevates the family experience with big joy, palpable peace, and everyday growth!

With a lifelong passion and curiosity in thought, choice, behavior, and growth she has found incredible joy in helping families shift perspective, find answers, and a path forward. 

(Nellie has been coaching families for over 10 years and has degrees in Biology, Animal Behavior, and Psychology. )  

LINKS:

Family Success Vault- https://www.nellieharden.com/vault

Website- https://www.nellieharden.com

Online Community- https://www.facebook.com/groups/the6570project

Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/nellieharden/    

Facebook- https://www.facebook.com/nellie.harden/

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Transcript
Nellie Harden:

Hello and welcome to the 6570 family project

Nellie Harden:

podcast. If you are a parent of a tween teen or somewhere on the

Nellie Harden:

way, this is exactly the place for you. This is the playground

Nellie Harden:

for parents who want to raise their kids with intention,

Nellie Harden:

strength and joy. Come in here all the discussions, get all the

Nellie Harden:

tactics and have lots of laughs along the way. We will dive into

Nellie Harden:

the real challenges in raising kids today how to show up as

Nellie Harden:

parents and teach your kids how to show up as members of the

Nellie Harden:

family and individuals of the world. My name is Mellie Hardin,

Nellie Harden:

big city girl turn small town sipping iced tea on the front

Nellie Harden:

porch mama, who loves igniting transformation in the hearts and

Nellie Harden:

minds of families by helping them build self love, discipline

Nellie Harden:

and leadership that elevates the family experience. And sets the

Nellie Harden:

kids up with a rock solid foundation they can launch their

Nellie Harden:

life on all before they ever leave home. This is the 6570

Nellie Harden:

family project. Let's go Hello, everyone. Welcome back to a

Nellie Harden:

another episode of the 6570 family project podcast you guys.

Nellie Harden:

I can't believe we're on episode 19. Already, this has been such

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a fun adventure this year. I can't wait to have 1000 episodes

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out here. But right now we're in Episode 19. Which sounds so big

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and such a baby at the same time. And I love it. Thank you

Nellie Harden:

for being here. If you've been here since episode one. Thank

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you. Thank you if this is your first episode, thank you, thank

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you. Because if you are showing up here, it means you are

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stepping up and stepping in as an intentional parent. And if

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you do that, and we're raising our kids within the 6570, that's

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how many days are in 18 years. If we step into that zone, and

Nellie Harden:

we are training and helping and equipping them in that time, you

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are helping them build the foundation that will be their

Nellie Harden:

foundation for the rest of their life, they'll be able to stand

Nellie Harden:

on it lean on it when they need to and launch from it time and

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time and time again. And that's what we're doing here. We are

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making are helping our kids and training them up to be self led

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leaders with self led discipline. And we're having a

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whole bunch of fun along the way too. I am a huge believer in big

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belly laughs kitchen dance parties, being goofy and being

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fun and teaching leadership and discipline.

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So let's dive into today. You guys, today is called

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the beauty of predictability. And the beauty of when you break

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it right. And why is this because? Well, I had a recent

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break of this last weekend I'll tell you about in a little in a

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little while. And it reminded me of this beauty and with my

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clients, a lot of times I help them develop what their routines

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are going to be right. Because if you have a routine, you have

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a schedule, you have a schedule within a schedule maybe. For us,

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for example, I have many parts of my day, right I have my

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morning and I have a morning routine schedule, right and then

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I have school I home, I still homeschool three of my kids,

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three of the four of my kids. And there's a schedule within

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that. And then I have my work schedule, which is a schedule

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that within that, and then we have family time. And guess what

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there's a schedule within that. And why our schedules are so

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important. It's because they have that predictability. They

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have that flow. Everyone knows where they stand. Everyone knows

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what's coming up. Spontaneous is so cool, so awesome. And that's

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where we get into breaking it but you can build in

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spontaneity, for example. My family time is from six to nine.

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Every night, right? Monday through Friday, six to nine the

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weekends. You know, they we have family time, of course, but

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we're doing different things, what have you but Monday through

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Friday, six to nine. That is our family time. We don't have

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phones where we are just focused on each other, we're going on

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walks, we're you know making dinner or cleaning up or doing

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whatever. And so that is flexibility, flexibility in

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there, whatever we do, but that is our time. And then, for

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example, every Tuesday and every Thursday, we have one on one

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time with our kids so that our kids can can know that every

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week they're going to have time just in a room by themselves

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sitting one on one with a parent and we just goof off. We have

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serious talks if they need to be we play a game if we need to be

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we play with durables, because all of our all of our daughters

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have animals dribbles or fish. You know we do these things, we

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have that one on one time at nine o'clock from nine to 930,

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on Tuesday and nine to 930 on Thursday. So again, we are

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having that schedule and predictability. But within that

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schedule is where the spontaneity can happen. I hope

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that makes sense to you. And with me in the morning, because

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I have all of these different hats that I put on, I, you know,

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with business and entrepreneurship and homeschool

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mom and parent, and just myself and what I do, I need to be more

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rigid. So I have very specific things that I do every single

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morning that starts with moving my body, and I get a lot of

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reading in, I get some journaling in, I obviously, get

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a shower and get ready for the day in there. And I check to see

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what's coming up for the day. And I make a list of what my day

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is going to look like so that I know, okay, I don't need to

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freak out, there's nothing that's going to come up and, you

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know, bite me and be spontaneous and not such a good way. And I

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know what's coming up. And with school and with vacations, right

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and different things like this on our board, which I have an

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entire board system that I taught my home, way, way back

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when I was teaching, how to teach your kid and homeschool.

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Because it was much less about what curriculum to use and all

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of that I could care less what curriculum curriculum you use,

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that is your, your decision and what feels right for you. But

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what I was teaching was, how to actually teach in a home, and

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what functionalities mindsets and tactics we can use for that

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using discipline and leadership. And that's what I do for whole

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families inside and outside of education now, but with that

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they know when a test is coming up, how many of you, I mean,

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raise your hand silently, wherever you're raising

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eyebrows, wherever you're listening to this, you still

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have those nightmares of showing up to school and you're like,

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there's a test today. And I had no idea, right? We don't want

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those we don't want you know, need that fear in our kiddos or

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ourselves anymore. I'm in my 40s I still have that that

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nightmare. And so we have that predictability. This is what is

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coming up. And then you know, eventually as they're getting

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older, they have their own planner, like we're passing over

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the reins, right, we're passing down that 6570 foot rope and

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handing more and more over to them along the way. Okay, so

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that is why those are all the reasons why a schedule is so

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good, right? You have predictability, you add

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significantly lower stress, right? You know what's coming

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up, you have free time built in to your schedule, so that you

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don't have to think, Oh, I'm always working, oh, I'm always

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studying, oh, I'm always doing this. I have no free time. Well,

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if you build in the free time, then you will have free time,

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right? I can look at your family's calendar, if you give

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me two weeks of any of the year, probably outside of the

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holidays, because that's always crazy, right? But if you give me

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two weeks of your calendar, I can definitely tell you what

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your priorities are, where you're stretched, then where you

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you know, could use some guidance and mentoring and where

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you're really strong to, if it's on your calendar, that's where

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it counts. Right? Okay. So awareness, predictability, all

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the good things, but some times, you need to be reminded of the

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benefits of that routine, right? As good as as good as it is. And

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think about this, right? Every single year. This is the best

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example every single year when school gets out. Everyone's

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like, Oh, we're free. We're free. We're free. And then every

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single year when school gets back in session, it's like, Oh,

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we're back. We're back to a routine we're back settled

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again. I know what's actually going to happen tomorrow, right?

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And that's exactly what I'm talking about. Right? A routine

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is so good, but getting off routine is also so good. And

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it's kind of this whole mentality of absence makes the

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heart grow fonder, right. And think about this though, in our

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crazy hooky world that we've been living in for the last

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couple of years. With COVID. We had more all together time. We

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had sometimes more schedules, sometimes less schedules,

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sometimes just trying to figure out what was going on. Right and

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so it's COVID has really thrown a wrench into every aspect of

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everything. But especially when it or not especially but also

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when it comes to scheduling and predictability. Right. I mean, I

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still know I talked to kids in my community. And my oldest is

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in a school outside of our home too. And they still have this

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this, I wouldn't call it a fear, but a little bit of anxiety of

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oh, it's fall break. I don't know, if we're gonna come back

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after fall break, you just never know, because it was in 2020.

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That March 13. I remember it clear as day. It was a Saturday,

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it was the first day of spring break, and they never went back.

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And they had no idea the parents, I don't want I don't

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even know if any of us knew what was going to happen. I don't

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think any of us thought, Oh, the entire world is going to shut

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down for the next several months. I don't think that was

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on many of our radars. But for the kid that really just moved

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him sideways, wait a second, we're just on spring break. And

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now we're not going back for the rest of the year. Right. And so

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there's still some of that anxiety going in. All that to

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say COVID kind of threw a wrench into some things, but I want to

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give you some ideas of what you could do for yourself. And one

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of them is a modification, dedication type thing. I

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actually first saw this. Some of you will probably laugh at me

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for this. But I used to watch back in the day.

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Goodness, I'm I don't know if I was in high school or what but

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Seventh Heaven anyone remember seventh heaven. And it was

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actually I found out not too long ago was the W bees first,

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like hit show that they had it was seven, seven. And the mom

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who I think they had like 38 kids or something I don't

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remember? No, it was like, I don't know, seven or something.

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And she got to this point that she was breaking down. Don't ask

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me what season this was in or what have you. I've no idea. But

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I just remember she was getting so stressed and so broken down

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that she left for a few days. And she said I'm I need to go

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and be by myself. She went to the beach and she had this. And

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I remember thinking then she waited too long. She waited too

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long. Imagine if every year she had like two days or so maybe

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even just one day that she could go and just be by herself

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recoup, you know, journal, just walk without all the questions,

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right? All these things. And this isn't just for moms. This

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is for dads too. And but I do have to say and I'm a mom. So

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I'm probably biased, that I think moms get the brunt of much

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of what comes with family life. Not always there are certainly

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exceptions. But if there was a teeter totter, I think moms are

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a little bit heavier on that. And don't hate me, don't send me

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the hate mail. If you are a super active dad out there I am

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high fiving you and I think I am married to a super active dad

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too. I'm just saying in the grand scheme of things. I think

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moms get the brunt of the Mom, mom, right? You all you're

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probably all nodding your heads right now. But having that time,

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that time not waiting for you to absolutely needed or you're

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going to implode, but do using it more preventatively and

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breaking up that scheduled breaking up that every day

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predictability can be really good. family vacations also do

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the same thing. I cannot wait to go to Disney World. I cannot

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wait to get home from Disney World, right? All the things and

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that comes from we moved to our vacation spot. The place that we

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live right now. We vacation that for 17 years, over and over and

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over again. We first came here. Our sophomore year of college

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for spring break. We came back again, junior year, we came back

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again the year after we graduated, we just kept coming

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back and back and back. All of our babies put their toes in the

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ocean for the first time here. We renewed our vows for our 10

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year anniversary here. All the things and finally, in 2014 we

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were here with a group of people we have brought so many people

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to this area of coastal North Carolina. And we're walking down

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one of our favorite little roads and my husband just looks at me

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and says why do we keep leaving, like, let's just stay and I was

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so blown away. I never even thought of that as a

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possibility. But lo and behold we waited another year to just

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see if it was a passing thought it wasn't we waited another year

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and we came back for three weeks to make sure this wasn't just a

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vacation spot like we could actually live here. Turns out we

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could all six of us voted even though my youngest was five they

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were let's see they were they were 577 and 10 at the time and

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all six have us voted yes. Even though it was going to be really

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hard. And we sold everything moved here and all within 100

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days, it was insane. But that was our decision. And we were so

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happy for both. I mean, talk about jostling up the schedule,

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that was a jostle. But what about, and just a small thing.

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So what I was referring to earlier today is earlier in our

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talk, is last weekend, I just felt this weight of this,

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schedule this, okay, wake up every day and do this, this,

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this and this, and then this, this, this and this, and then

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this, you know, you get the point. I just felt so encumbered

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by it. And so last Saturday, a friend of ours, a wonderful

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friend of ours loves to take our girls, they went all to a corn

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maze and had so much fun. And it was just my husband and I and we

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were like, what do we want to do today, we could do, you know, we

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could clean up something, we could do the things that need to

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be done. Or we could just go have fun, right? So we went to a

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town about an hour away, we had a fantastic lunch at this

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wonderful place. And then we went Axe Throwing, which was

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something new, neither one of us had ever done before. very

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cathartic. Also, by the way, if you haven't tried it, it's so

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fun. And it really was just the thing that I needed to break up

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the predictability chain that was happening, even though we

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have that built in time. So there really is beauty in having

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predictable schedules, and it serves you and there's also a

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lot of beauty in breaking them up either big time or a little

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time, just go away for an afternoon, whatever that is. But

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breaking up that schedule can be so beneficial for you to help

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you realize,

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you know what, I can go do this. And you know what a schedule,

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that schedule is also really nice to get to. And I was

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thinking about this. And I was like, you know, it's kind of

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like, if you know, kale is great, spinach is great. And it

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makes you function better. It makes you do better, it makes

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you think better. But that chocolate chip cookie, that

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chocolate chip cookie reminds you of the adventure of life, if

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we're just sticking with food metaphors in here. I mean, a

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good hike reminds me of the adventure of life too. But just

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sticking with food. This is what I'm talking about kale and

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spinach. Great, great, great, great, great. That cookie that

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you have every once in a while is going to remind you that is

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so good. By the way, I need to get back to eating kale because

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I feel kind of crappy now. But right. And so that it's the

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predictability is great. And the breaking it is great. You can't

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live in one place for too long, right? You have to stir the pot,

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you have to stir things up a little bit. Okay, you guys, I

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hope this helps you a little bit. I would love to know about

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your schedules. Do you have a morning routine? Do you have a

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school routine? Meaning, if you homeschool, maybe you have a

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routine for that? Or when the kids go to school? What is your

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routine for that? What do you do during the day? And then what do

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you guys do for family time? Do you have any sort of schedule

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for that? And what do you do to break it and bust it open? So

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you remember, hey, we can do this. And hey, the schedule is

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awesome. I want to hear from you. We are always building

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wonderful self led discipline and leadership in this group and

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I can't wait to hear what you're doing in your family. Thanks so

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much for being here. You're helping your family you're

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helping the world. Happy building you guys. Thank you so

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much for listening today. And I hope you were able to take

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something from our discussion that you can use to build the

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foundation of self led leadership in your own family.

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If you are a parent with children 17 or younger, and

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especially those around nine and up, I would love to extend an

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invitation to you to the best club in town. The family

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architects Club is a private club where intentional parents

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go that want to love support, connect or reconnect and really

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truly help guide their kids and teach them how to self lead in

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discipline and leadership. This is an online community and the

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you are welcome to it. Parenting is a project and you are the

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architect of this one. You plan you design and oversee the

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construction of the beginning of someone else's life. And that's

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what goes into these first 6570 days. And it will be the

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foundation for the rest of their lives. So come join the club.

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You can find your invitation on the front page of my website

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Nelly hardened.com that is n e ll ie H AR D n.com. Thank you

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again for being a part of this conversation today. And if

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something really resonated with you, or if you have a question,

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please don't hesitate to connect with me. You can find me on

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Instagram at Nelly Hardin. And lastly, if you love the

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information, please please leave a five star review and a comment

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so more and more families can be impacted by harnessing the

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strength of these ideas and tools in their own families. So

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thank you so much. Happy building you guys and I'll see

Show artwork for The 6570 Family Project

About the Podcast

The 6570 Family Project
with Nellie Harden
If you are a parent of a tween, teen or somewhere on the way, this is exactly the place for you!
This is the playground for parents who want to raise their kids with intention, strength and joy to come and hear all the discussions, get all the tactics and have lots of laughs along the way!

We will dive into the real challenges in raising kids today and how to show up as parents AND teach your kids to show up as members of the family and individuals in the world.

My name is Nellie Harden. Big city girl turned small town, front porch, iced tea sippin’ momma who loves igniting transformation in the hearts and minds of families by helping them build Self-Led Discipline™ and Leadership to elevate the family experience and set the kids up with a rock solid foundation they can launch their life on all before they even leave home!

About your host

Profile picture for Nellie Harden

Nellie Harden