The Story Behind the Project

Nellie Harden: 00:00:04

Hello and welcome to the 6570 family project podcast. If you are a parent of a tween teen or somewhere on the way, this is exactly the place for you. This is the playground for parents who want to raise their kids with intention, strength and joy. Come and hear all the discussions, get all the tactics and have lots of laughs along the way. We will dive into the real challenges and reason kids today how to show up as parents and teach your kids how to show up as members of the family and individuals of the world. My name is mellie harden. Big City girl turns small towns sipping iced tea on the front porch Mama, who loves igniting transformation in the hearts and minds of families by helping them build self flood discipline and leadership that elevates the family experience. And sets the kids up with a rock solid foundation, they can launch their life on all before they ever leave home. This is the 6570 family project. Let's go.

Nellie Harden: 00:01:12

Hello, Welcome everyone. I'm so excited to start this journey in the 6570 family project podcast. And let me just tell you, my name is Nelly harden. If you don't know me yet, we are going to get to know each other really well on this journey. And I just want you to picture this as you and I are sitting on the front porch of some beautiful Southern home, and maybe sitting on some rocking chairs, Sipping Some iced tea and having some really good conversations about family and building family what that looks like what it means and what we can do to be even better tomorrow than we were today. That's what this is all about. And I thought for the first episode, you probably want to know a little bit of who I am and who this person is. It's going to be talking to you about this and getting into these tough conversations and being very real with you. So I'm just gonna spend some time telling you my story. So sit back, just relax. sip your iced tea and take a listen. So when I first had my kids, it might have been like you two we have four kids. I have four daughters right now. today. They're 16 1313 and 11. Yes, I have my middle two are twins. The middle two. right smack dab in the middle are twins. I tell you when I had a let's see I had a two year old. And no, I guess I had a four year old two year old twins. Not even two yet. And then I was telling people, hey, we're having a baby. They're like, Are you crazy? But yes, I am four and four and a half years. And all teens and tweens right now this is actually we are headed into a season where I don't have an elementary school or for the first time I have all middle and high schoolers, which is kind of crazy. But when I first had my kids, I was in total survivor mode. I don't know if any of you can relate. You might be shaking your heads right now.

Nellie Harden: 00:03:10

But I was in total survivor mode and just making sure that they were alive for bedtime every day was like, awesome. Check the box. That's great. You did it right. But yeah, another another pat on the back and put my cape away at the end of the night. I did it. Um, but we really had a huge wake up call in 2010. So at that point, my husband and I had been going through drug therapies and physical therapies and different things for a heart condition that he had, that we that put them into the hospital suddenly in 2008. But by 2010, we really extinguished all the possibilities that we could do. And we've really only had one option left. And that was an experimental heart surgery. And so it was Earth Day 2010. And we we sat there, I sat there, my husband was in surgery. And by the way, he's doing very well today. So he's still here, but I was sitting there with a let's see, it's 2010. So I had a five year old to know probably a four year old because it was before birthdays, a four year old to two year olds and a six, seven month old. And that's a very eye opening experience to sit there and not know if I'm going to see my husband again or my kids are going to see their father again. Right they This wasn't an totally unknown to me. I lost my father when I was very, very young. I was one and a half when my dad died. It was a complete accident. But it was it was something that's always been with me right and I've always felt drive and motivation. And other things too. Because of that. I he didn't get to live his full life that he had. And I always, especially that day that I passed that when my age passed that I always felt that responsibility. And But anyway, side note, so I was sitting there and that was a very big wake up call. And then as he's recovering after the surgery, just five weeks later, my two year old one of them, she was in a what turned out to be non fatal, but could have very easily been fatal drowning accident in my in laws pool. And it was a surreal day, a big party, everyone's in the pool. And this person who we didn't even know at the time looked down and said, Hey, is she okay? She was just floating there. And we all grabbed her. It took us a while to get everyone's attention so that they could clear the way I did, you know, a total, you know, hollywood type style, clear the table and gave my daughter CPR right there on that table. And after a couple of rounds, what seemed like an ocean erupted out of her and took her to the hospital. And she was okay, we had a monitor for a year. She had a lot of a lot of fears that came from that right away. But we still stuck with it. And you know, that recovery story is a whole podcast in and of itself. But my point is, we had some very big Wake Up Calls that year. And we sitting there after that we knew time was just so limited, and we wanted to seize the day of our family, and from our family experience. And we knew we really wanted to set them up for big time success, right? As soon as you know we could, because you just never know you never know what's going to happen in life. So I was busy running around right after this. And I was checking all the suppose twos, I was checking all the boxes, but I was feeling a little unfulfilled, right. I was doing the gymboree classes, I was doing the piano classes, I was doing the gymnastics classes, I was taking them to swim lessons, I was getting them in the right preschools like all the things that I was doing, I was playing with them very intently, I was teaching them how to read and write at home, all the things but there was still something definitely missing and in my own journey of personal development. So I come from a background in sciences and psychology. So psychology is a science. But anyway, I was in marine mammal science and behavioral work and psychology and went into veterinary work. And I actually retired from all of that

Nellie Harden: 00:07:47

just about a couple of months before my husband went into ICU for the first time. So it was a boom, boom, boom, pretty crazy. But anyway, I was I knew how important personal development could be. I didn't know how much it could be for me. And there's a big difference there. So, but I started meeting people that were fulfilled, especially in their later years, they I really started diving into their lessons, right? They were leaders and mentors and readers, right. I had never been a big reader before. But I was like, oh, all these books, all these books. I was just eating it all up. They were learners, they were teachers. And they all and I mean, all became my mentors. I saw a thriving and not coping and families, right? I saw fulfillment, not unfulfillment and families, I saw people being genuinely really joyful, even during hard stuff. And that was astonishing to me. And there was you know, more than just the work in the school and the home and the homework and the sports and activities in bed and go to bed and get up in the next day and do it all again. Right? There was more there. And I could not get enough of it. So I started Of course reading and following and listening and meeting and growing. But soon enough, it was hit I was hitting these expectation walls, I kind of you know, it reminded me of Black Friday morning. And you you see these pictures of these people like lined up at the big department stores and their faces are all smooshed at the at the walls, you know, and that's how I kind of felt running into these expectation walls. And what I mean by that is there was a lot of these, you can't do that, or no, you can't think that way or these expectations that people had of what I was supposed to do. I used to have a whole house decorated and decorated in a way that I thought I was supposed to have it decorated and I didn't even like anything in that house. But I was like oh, this is what people say should go here so we should put it there. Right The shoulds were ruling my life. And I had all of the growing pains of stepping out along the way and it was hard. It's it's hard to step out of the herd. It is hard to say Part of the herd. And not just me, but my family did too. Because this wasn't just me going through this, we were going through this as a collective as all six of us, you know, people around us often refer to us and we have a, we have a hashtag, if you will, I almost made the hash tag side in my in my, in my head. But anyway, and we're known as the happy heart ends. And I think it's kind of funny, because it's not that we're always happy. That's not true. But we always do choose happy. There's a very big difference in that so we can catch ourselves when we're not in the happy, right? And we don't we can't be happy all the time. No one can be happy all the time. But we can choose happiness, find the joy, find the joy. But anyway, so I started doing all these things, and definitely running into these pressures. And I felt like everywhere around me, I just saw these overworked, exhausted and frustrated people. And I just started seeing those what ifs, you know, what if, like, wouldn't it be nice if, and, you know, parents, which were teaching the same thing to their kids I started hanging around with, I was like, Let's check this out. Right? I knew how valuable a child's thoughts and actions and their input could be when they were challenged and given space to truly thrive. Because I saw in my own kids, I saw in my own kids and at a different kind of the different kids at their school, I saw them too. We often went to these, I don't know different kinds of schools, I never felt quite sad, not satisfied.

Nellie Harden: 00:11:41

That's not the word quite settled, and where our schools were, and which leads to our education journey, which is a whole other story that we'll get to but so I said, though, what if I break these chains and break away from the herd, right, I was starting to feel a little bit of those growing pains. But I was like, you know, what, what if we just break those chains, we had these discussions together as a family, even our littlest ones, you know, she was three, four, or five. And when we were having these big discussions with her along with all of her sisters, and we would sit down together and talk. And I would ask, you know, what if I teach my kids, what if I teach my kids self led discipline, and leadership skills? The ones that I'm learning now in my 30s, and my 40s, some people even into their 50s 60s 70s? What if we take that information, transplant it and put it into their childhood, so that this core beliefs, these mindsets, these skills that they're building, building in their childhood that will one day be their reflex responses? Because they are set in like concrete? What if we put all of that leadership and self led discipline into their childhoods, so that when they leave home, they're like ready for the races, they're ready to go, and what might have taken me 10 2022 years to accomplish that you might be able to get done and more not get done, but reach that fruition with reach that clarity with within six months to a year, maybe five years, it would be amazing. So I ended up following and studying and lanch latching on to my mentors all over the place, right, there was moms at homeschool. I wanted to see what that was like. I was a total like public school kid K through 12 and then went to a public college. I had no desire to homeschool, but I saw something in the homeschool families. In some homeschool families, I'll put that way that I just found very intriguing. And so there was people like Jen and Danielle that really that I really just kind of dove into. I got to know women with grit.

Nellie Harden: 00:14:04

There was this woman Lisa that used to work for the UN and man oh man, I would sit there and listen to her stories. And they would just blow my mind right? And we're just sitting here in a coffee shop and she's telling me about these harrowing life and death stories and and that she missions that she went on. It was amazing. And then there was families that traveled full time that required a whole different skill set. Right. There was writers and speakers and philanthropists and pastors and business leaders life transformers, and life sitters, right? What do I mean by that? So life sitters there was this one time and there's I've experienced many life sitters in my life, but some and family some strangers, but there's this one time, it was actually after my my stepdad also passed away. almost eight years ago now so my mom's been widowed. twice now in her life, but it was after my stepdads a funeral which I also called him Dad, they had been dating since I was four. He was in my life since I was four. So he was also dad. And but after dad died, we went to a casino. And it's Michigan. Any Michiganders out there that are listening, you get it, because he knows they're everywhere. And so anyway, we were at a casino and I was sitting off kind of on the side, I was working on a project while everyone was off doing their thing. And it was truly amazing to sit there. And I was visited by four different people that came and set up my table at different times. And I got to just learn their stories. And they were asking what I was doing, and I was telling them, and they were, I would just ask them questions, too. But I ran into two men in particular that were there. And without getting too much detail into their story, they were life sitters, meaning they took the definitions that they had of themselves, because the world gave them to them when they were 10, when they were 12. And they applied that to the rest of their lives and never did anything else with it. They never tried beyond that point. And they had so many regrets they were in there. These were two different men, I don't think they knew each other, they came to me at different times. But they were probably somewhere between 5575 in there. And it just broke my heart, it broke my heart to hear their long list of regrets one of them actually, while I was sitting there with them got a phone call on this little flip phone from his daughter. And it was his daughter telling him that he can't come over that day, because there was going to be other people over at the house. And she knows that last time he was over, it didn't go very well. So they have to reschedule in order to have a time that they can just meet one on one. And he was broken because of that, as I was sitting there with him. So I got to talk with him through that a little bit. But my point is these I learned so many lessons from them as well. And I really had an epiphany. So my life truly is in my hands on what I make of it. My life is truly in my hands on what to make of it, just saying it over and over and over. No excuses. I am the driver, I want you to say that real quick,

Nellie Harden: 00:17:26

I am the driver of my life, you are the driver of your life. And guess what? My kids, your kids are the driver of their life. And this time that we're together and the 6570, which I'll tell you more about that and where that comes from. But that's how many days are in 18 years. And they This is their their impact zone that we have. It's their training ground that they have their safe space to explore and fail and be taught and give way to be that driver of their life. And if I can give them the self, self love, discipline and leadership now instead of later by someone that doesn't know them as well as I do or understand their quirks and unique gifts and set them up with skills and mindsets that can be cemented into their core beliefs, how they believe or how they believe about themselves and others and the world around them. How can that be changed if we are intentional and so so deliberate during this training zone time with absolute joy and choosing that joy? So this this way, we have the skills and less time, less drama, more joy, right? All the good things, the good boxes that you want to check. And you know, do you have? Just thinking about it now? Do you have core beliefs lingering from your childhood that maybe don't serve you today? I know you're all nodding your head. Yes, I know. And I do too. But the more we can limit that, the better. And I realized that teaching these mindsets and skills couldn't just be for parents, or couldn't just be for kids. The way to maximize this potential work was to work with the whole family, right accountability to each other relationships with one another input from one another stepping up and showing up as a member of the family to train you and help you be a member of this world. And what happens in the home is reflected everywhere else in life, right? You literally cannot separate it is one it's two sides of one piece of paper. You cannot separate the personal outcomes from what happens in the home. You just can't do it. So I became excited about this idea and started with helping other families and I started with family wellness because of what we had gone through with my husband. I went on to helping people with homeschool because by the way we started homeschooling. You know that thing I said I would never ever do well, I'm about to encroach on year seven of it now. And it is It's been a beautiful experience, I'll do a whole series on education some time for you. I don't think it's for everyone. Some days, I didn't even think it was for me. But it has turned out to be one of the most defining and great places in our home. Most mostly because we were able to develop these skills, so much more in that setting. And there's other ways you can do that too. But for us, that's what really worked. But I was using and testing these ideas and theories for almost 10 years. And I found the framework that worked for being intentional about the parenting and family path. During this 6570. and beyond. Right, we we're not stopping being parents once they turn 18. It's just that our most high impact zone has passed. And an intentional family experience, even through the hard and sticky stuff in building kids with the tools they will need for life is so important. And the results were amazing. They are amazing smiles, Joy breaking, like breaking down walls, having breakthroughs, breaking through fears kids becoming entrepreneurs, leaders, teaching and seeking growth and responsibility. That was what was beautiful. I began teaching and coaching. This work and similar results flowed for other families, too. So I knew I was onto something. And kids were asking to talk right? Like, Hey, Mom, Hey, Dad, can we talk. And these parents were astounded that their kids wanted to talk with them. They were asking for more challenge. They were exploring their interests and their mindsets changed. They restored the family flow and connection and understanding was on a whole new level than they've ever had before with one another.

Nellie Harden: 00:21:41

Now, listen, we're still raising our girls. Like I said, they're only 16 1313 and 11. Today at this recording, and we face all of the challenges that you're facing right now with parenting today. And these challenges are real, they are very real, very visceral today that we're that we're facing, not to mention, the pandemic that we've been in for the last 21 months, right. But we we all have, I'm sorry, we use these tools. And we use them daily. And we they've truly made all the difference in the world. They have already the our kids have already astonished me. And I would say that even if I wasn't their parent, I promise you and my clients kids have astonish me It truly is such a beautiful thing to watch a child rise. It's so cool. And the transformation in our own family has made the greatest impact on me for sure. But the end the opportunity I have every day to reach out and touch other families like I'm hopefully touching yours right now. Or at least us we're sitting on the front porch with our iced tea. But help you just awaken to the potentials and see the walls fall and the connections build and the foundations being laid. There. 6570 timers being set and focused forward. That is such a gift and that is my fire and passion. I don't know if you could tell but that's my fire and passion. So bringing self led discipline and leadership into the home today because our future, their future. Your future personally, is literally being built in your living room right now.