Are You Willing to Live for Them?

Nellie Harden: 00:00:04

Hello and welcome to the 6570 family project podcast. If you are a parent of a tween teen or somewhere on the way, this is exactly the place for you. This is the playground for parents who want to raise their kids with intention, strength and joy. Come and hear all the discussions, get all the tactics and have lots of laughs along the way. We will dive into the real challenges and reason kids today how to show up as parents and teach your kids how to show up as members of the family and individuals of the world. My name is mellie harden, big city girl turns small towns sipping iced tea on the front porch Mama, who loves igniting transformation in the hearts and minds of families by helping them build self flood discipline and leadership that elevates the family experience. And sets the kids up with a rock solid foundation, they can launch their life on all before they ever leave home. This is the 6570 family project. Let's go.

Nellie Harden: 00:01:11

Hello, everyone. Welcome. My name is Nelly harden. This is the 6570 family project podcast where we are building our families and our family experience and also building us firm foundation for our kids to watch the rest of their lives from within the 6570. That is 6570 days in 18 years. So that is what we are doing here. And hopefully you have been listening for a while. But if you are new here, welcome. I hope this meets you with a huge smile on your face and warmth in your heart. I can't wait to dive into to today. So I was actually going to come to Episode Five, this episode here and talk about something completely different. But that was bumped this morning because this saying came across my desk today. And I was stopped in my tracks. And I don't even know who said it or where it came from. Because it was one of those things that was like a share of a share of a share. You know what I'm talking about? But let me read this to you. And then we're going to talk about this today. So it said people say all the time I die for my children. Okay, but would you live for them actually live, make better choices take bear Take care of yourself better physically and mentally. Your kids don't need you to die for them. They need you to live for them. And I was like, Whoa, hit the brakes. Yes. Like, I'm just standing there with my little like picket sign saying yes to this. And so what is the mistake that we're making in here? Right? We're making the assumption that loving our kids enough to be willing to die for them? is, in fact enough. But it's not let me let me ask you this. How often does the opportunity come around for you to die for your kids? Can I just like stand up and shout? Hopefully never. I mean, it is great. And I love that you would do that. But hopefully never that opportunity would come about right? But how often does living for them come up? every single day. Every single day that opportunity comes up? So have you ever heard the saying or whatever. I know when you know people have kids I know when I you know when I first had kids, and my kids are now between 11 and 16. So we are floating in that middle school high school just had one that started her junior year this year. Last week, actually. And then I'm still homeschooling my three youngest at home for one more year. It'll be our seventh year. But as I digress.

Nellie Harden: 00:04:01

So anyway, when I first had kiddos I heard Oh, there's no book on parenting, you just got to go and you got to wing it right? Which is true, right? There is not a book on parenting your kids there isn't, which is why it's so important. For you to write one. You need to write one, no one else can be the author of that story, right? This is you and your family, your spouse, your significant other your kids your story, you have to write it. So I encourage you to write the book. That's exactly what I do with my clients as we work through the what the how and the do over time and we're close and we break that down. And we write the story, the parenthood childhood 6570 journey to get you to where you uniquely and amazingly want to go I want to encourage you, you can write your story intentionally creatively moving toward the conclusion that you have carefully constructed through every chapter on the way there. And it doesn't matter if you start to put this together and actually be intentional about it, when your kid is 17 or seven, I mean, the earlier the better, don't get me wrong, but it is never too late. Right? It is not too late until after that parenthood childhood door has been closed. And those those ideals, those mindsets, those things are set into cement in there. And they're really hard to break. Once they're set into cement, I know. I can just see all your head shaking, right? What we learn and use and have cemented in us in childhood, right? It is possible to change it is possible to change. But you have to take a major chisel a jackhammer to that stuff, and it is hard work. So the question is, why not just put the like make the cement the way that you want to make it, build the foundation, the way that you want to make it to create them in their unique success. So I want to give you have a few intentional takeaways for today based on that and what we that that thing that hit me in the face today. So number one, take care of yourself, as a parent, take care of yourself, because you know what? You are writing the book on self care for them. I'm gonna say that again, take care of yourself, because you are writing the book on self care for them. So how do you handle stress? Right? How do you handle disappointment? frustration? Joy, right? How often are you laughing? How are you taking on the things of the world and and how you're feeling about them? And how you're projecting them out to those closest to you? And even those not so closest to you? How are you dealing with your friendships in that self care? And then if we're really getting into it, how are you pampering yourself? Right? How are you saying, good job that you are doing all of this today? Good job that you did all of this this year, this month, this week? Whatever that is, is it you know, are you taking time to give yourself some downtime? Some maybe you're getting a massage, maybe you're getting a manicure pedicure, the face here or whatever you're doing? Whatever you're doing, how are you pampering yourself, right? And then you know, you take it to other areas? And what does alcohol look like in your family? I know you're probably like, Oh, you know why? Why is she talking about that? Because that's also part of self care. Right? Some people are like, Oh, I need a glass of wine. I need a drink. Right? And what does that tell your kid? Oh, when I'm stressed, I'm going to need a drink. Right? And so when everything that you're doing for yourself care. And by the way, I am not saying I don't drink in there. I definitely do. But it is not out of necessity. It's just out of you know, fun and wanton on Saturday nights we get together with some friends. But it is not a I am stressed. So I need a drink. And hey, hey, kids, this is what happens you know when you do. But same with pampering. Right? And just taking those breaks, your joy, your laughter, your disappointment? If you get disappointed, do you just rage right? If you get frustrated? Do you just rage? How does that look like? So how you take care of yourself? You are writing the book on how you want them to take care of themselves later. And in even now, but definitely later. Okay. So number two is how do you care for your family? Because you are writing the book on family relationships for them. You are writing the book on family relationships for them. So how do you and your significant other How do you talk to one another? How do you resolve conflict? How do you share intimacy right? Have your kids ever seen you kiss? Right? There's a lot of families out there that their kids have never seen them kiss. That's not in this house. I can assure you there and not because of anything. It's just really important. In my opinion, it's really important for kids to see their parents actually communicate and get through conflict and be able to resolve conflict and be able to make up right and be able to just share a share a quick kiss and you know, some intimacy is someone's leaving or just because they're sitting on the couch next to each other. Whatever that is. It's important.

Nellie Harden: 00:09:56

Do you and your significant other play together, have fun Together, are you true life partners together? Because you are writing the book on their future relationships right now. Or you're building something in them that they're gonna have to take a jackhammer to just being real with y'all. And so how you do that you're writing the book, how about how you use your time not spend your time? How you use your time with your family, right? Is there some guardrails up so it's not always in a screen? Do you have some time, some days of the week that you're like, this is what we're doing? You know, for this week, we are focusing on on family time, do you have maybe parts of the day that are devoted to you maybe that's self care, right? Maybe work time, maybe family time? How are you using your time to benefit you and how you're moving forward? And then also, how do you talk to them? How do you talk to your kids? How do you resolve conflict with them? How do you initiate new challenges and adventures with them? Right, you are writing the book. So whatever you're doing right now, that is the base, and what they the foundation that they will have in order to launch from in their own families and their own relationships later on. So again, number one was, how are you caring for yourself? Number two, is how you care for your family. And number three, is how are you caring for the world? This is can get into a gray area sometimes because so many things, oh, they're not paying attention me, you know, whatever they are, I promise you, they are and you are writing the book, again, you are writing the book on the world relationships for them. So what are what, you know, falls into that category, I'm talking about faith, you know, for one, whether I mean, everyone has faith, whether you have a faith in in faith, or you have a faith in not a faith, whatever you have, it's a faith. No one is, you know, a blank slate on this area, because you have a faith in something. And it's literally impossible to not have an opinion on this, if you know that this exists. And that's a whole other podcast, but the faith and in whatever they're having faith in in the world, right? How about political views? Huge, right? Normally, kids political views, follow parents political views, and follow this. And this is where this critical thinking really comes into play. And having those critical, you know, discussions, critical thought discussions with your kiddos at home, it's not just this is the way it is. And so this is his and this is how I think, therefore, this is how you think, right? I actually have these discussions so they can form their thoughts and ask their questions, and even go deeper into whatever those are.