Interview with Angela Aja: Stepping Into Your Best Life

Nellie Harden: 00:00:00

Hello family architects. Welcome back to the 6570, a family project podcast. I'm so excited to have you here for Episode Four today. And I have a very special guest on today that is going to be talking to us all about what she does and how it reflects on us. So Angela, Asia, she is a ordained minister. She's a transformational life coach. And she is a best selling author of the book summon to soar, which is the five stages of the rise of a woman. She really helps women who are world changers get soul level clarity about who they are, why they're doing, what they're doing, what they're going to do to help impact others and get them to their highest calling to make the biggest impact that they can, right. I mean, that's exactly what we're trying to help our kids do in their adult life by setting this foundation for them. And we have so much so much talk in this interview about that foundation work. I can't wait for you to hear it. Angela is a single mom of four grandkids and a grandmother of five. She calls herself a glama. She's hilarious. She is a foodie, a trained chef living in Texas, but she grew up in Chicago. So she is a Midwestern girl with a Texas twist. I can't wait for you to meet her. I can't wait for you to hear how she is taking women through this transformational journey and where they are transforming from right. It all has to do with this 65 76,570 days in this training zone of parenthood and childhood. So without further ado, let's go ahead and get started.

Nellie Harden: 00:01:44

Hello, and welcome to the 6570 family project podcast. If you are a parent of a tween teen or somewhere on the way, this is exactly the place for you. This is the playground for parents who want to raise their kids with intention, strength and joy. Come and hear all the discussions, get all the tactics and have lots of laughs along the way. We will dive into the real challenges and reason kids today how to show up as parents and teach your kids how to show up as members of the family and individuals of the world. My name is mellie harden big city girl turns small towns sipping iced tea on the front porch mama who loves igniting transformation in the hearts and minds of families by helping them build self blood discipline and leadership that elevates the family experience. And sets the kids up with a rock solid foundation, they can launch their life on all before they ever leave home. This is the 6570 family project. Let's go.

Nellie Harden: 00:02:53

Well, hello, Angela, I am so glad to have you on this call today. And I couldn't be happier that you are the first guest on the family project podcast. So let us know a little bit how you're doing. How are you feeling today and a little bit more about you?

Angela Aja: 00:03:11

Wow, well, I could not be more honored to be here today. I mean, just I'm so grateful that you, you know that we connected and I just love what you're doing. I'm all about the work that you're doing. And so I'm really excited to be here. I am actually an ordained minister. I'm a transformational life coach, a best selling author, single mom of four grown adult kids, a grandmother to five grandbabies. And I'm just, I really help women get soul level clarity about who they are, why they're here and what they're here to do so that they can step into their highest calling. And that is really my passion is to work with women who are world changers and really helping them take the message of their heart and turn it into a movement that changes the world. So

Nellie Harden: 00:04:17

Oh, so good. So good. And High Five to families of four out there. I mean, it is it takes a crew, you know, and all of you to raise these kiddos and the fact that you know you are single mom of four. That's amazing. And so high five, high four to you. Hi, fourth, yeah. Hi. So, um, so I am just curious with all of the things that you have done and all of the things that you have achieved in helping these people and I want to get into that in just a little bit actually because I know in the work that you do, there's a lot that comes up and these women that you work with from this period of their time. The 6570 meaning the first 18 years of their life, that's how many days are in 18 years? Yeah. 1570. And so we'll get to that in a little bit. But first, I want to ask you a question. So I want to know where this came from for you, did you with leadership and entrepreneurship and helping others? Did you grow up with this in your family at all? Did you have parents or, or mentors that were like this? Or did you discover it in your own way along the way?

Angela Aja: 00:05:32

Well, so I grew up in the ministry with my parents, my dad was a pastor. And so our life was all about giving, you know, serving others was definitely a lifestyle for us. And so, um, but interestingly enough, the way that I grew up in the models that I saw with women was that, you know, the man got paid for being in the ministry, and the woman did as much work or more than the man, but she didn't get paid at all. And so it was literally a life of serving. And so that's what I grew up, watching. And that is how I lived my life for the first 25 years. I knew that I wanted to, you know, continue in the work that my parents had raised me. And so I went to Bible College, met a pastor, a young man who was studying to be a pastor, we started our first church at 21. And it just exploded, and and so he always, you know, got paid. And I always worked for free, and which I was so happy to do. But there was something inside, I mean, I just always wanted to be a businesswoman. And so, you know, as, as things would have turned out, after 25 years of marriage in the ministry, he made choices that didn't include his family and didn't include the ministry. And so my world really got turned upside down. And I went through an identity crisis, just epic proportions. And so, you know, but in going through that I really had to consider, like, you know, who do I want to be in this next season of my life? And so, you know, I really had to go through the process of reinventing my life and, and really thinking about, like, how do I want it to look, even if it's different than what it looked like, when I was growing up, and, you know, just knowing that that call to help people was not going away? So I really felt, you know, praying about it, and what do I do, and I really felt like, you know, God was, was telling me to an opening the doors for me to become a business woman, and that there were things, you know, that he wanted me to learn in my journey, as a business woman that would, you know, really helped me along the way and so, um, so I, I had, you know, I just had a Bible college degree. And for children teaching children, and so, you know, and then I had, like, homeschooled my kids, and, you know, like, just worked in the ministry. So I didn't have this real big, good resume.

Nellie Harden: 00:08:35

And as the world would tell you, I think that's a pretty darn big resume for leadership, mentorship, but yes, I'm sorry.

Angela Aja: 00:08:43

Yeah, exactly. You know, you're right. I soon came to, you know, have that mind shift for myself, you know, yeah. But when it came to like, the world of business, there weren't a lot of people like knocking down my door, you know, to hire me. And so I ended up going from preaching in the pulpit and running like a huge women's ministry, to selling windows door to door because that's the only thing I could find the grit right there. Oh, my goodness. And so I was trained by an old school salesman, and he would drive me up to the door and you know, say no, get out there and say that, and I would go say it, and I would come back to the car crying, and he'd say, What did you say? And he said, Don't say that, go say this, and he drive me to the next door. And so, but I ended up, you know, I'm like, in my base nature, you know, like, just being who I'm shy. I'm, like, not the, you know, a type personality, but I ended up becoming number one in five states. And just because I just, well, you know, I had to take care of my kids, first of all, and that that really, like tapped into that grit that I had, and I was just, you know, dog on it like I am not going down, I am just not going, I'm not going to let this Take me out, like something just froze up inside of me. And so that really formed, awakened a love for business for me, and then I ended up taking an oil and gas job for a little while and sitting at a desk and chest, hated it. But I had met a life coach along the way. And so I used that time of sitting at the oil and gas job to get all my certifications. And I was like, I know, this is how I want to help people. And so, and then I walked into my boss, I finished all my training, and I walked into his office one day, and I said, I have to leave, I know, this doesn't make sense. I'm leaving insurance, I'm leaving everything and, and I said, but I have to go, I have to go pursue the call. So my life. And I, eight years ago started my coaching business, as a single mom, homeschooling my son, my youngest, and just had a passion and just something inside me said I, I can do this.

Angela Aja: 00:11:22

And and so, you know, I've grown up around leaders all of my life, I would really thankful for that. And I and I the one thing I recognized, like, Why do some leaders fall? And why do some leaders go on to leave a legacy. And I realized it was because, you know, as a visionary as a leader, like we have the ability to grow this big edifice, you know, this big thing. And but what happens is, if you don't expand your inner Foundation, you grow, what you grow becomes bigger than who you are on the inside. And so you have to sabotage it back down to fit on, you know, your inner foundation. And so, you know, this idea of self leadership, and really, you know, that self led discipline, even though I had not met you and heard it in those terms, but this has always been the idea that I have built my life around, especially, you know, after the divorce and going forward. I, you know, I had in my previous life, you know, I had just kind of lived for everyone else, right? And didn't really know even like, what I liked what I wanted to do, and and so when I had this new opportunity to reinvent my life, I thought, you know, I want to build from a strong foundation so that because I am a visionary I am, you know, I have big ideas. And I would I remember always having these big ideas, but then nothing would ever come of them. Yeah. And that just frustrated me. And I thought, Okay, I need to expand my inner Foundation, so that I can keep building and then I don't have to sabotage what I've built, you know, because I, I've built the inner foundation to support what I built and really, you know, doing that has, I think, been one of the reasons for this, the success of where I am now. And it's the way that I raised my, my son, my fourth son What I raised on my own

Nellie Harden: 00:13:42

Yes. And I was just what I was going to ask you about so this inner foundation that you're talking about that you have discovered and chipped away the the world's right, the world's reflection, the world's coming in on you, so to speak, so that you can shrink yourself down to the world's view of you, right? You've chipped that away and found your inner foundation and how has that then turned around? And you're like, Okay, so I've gotten here and now I'm raising this person, and darn it if I'm not going to put and instill this inner foundation in them now, so what things changed and how did you raise that last child that you had at home there? How did you raise them to have that stronger inner foundation?

Angela Aja: 00:14:26

Well, you know, being a single mom, for one thing, I realized very quickly that I had to like he had to participate. I couldn't do this on my own. And you know him because I was so committed to like overcoming, you know, the all of my pain and the rejection and all of that I was so committed to not letting any of that hold me back. I was not about to let him hold you know, have those things. Hold him back. And he had a lot of anger, he had a lot of hurt tea, a lot of rejection and all of those things and so, but I think at the same time, really teaching him that he is responsible, that by me living as this example, and then teaching him this, that we have to be responsible for our own emotions, we have to be responsible for, you know, our own feelings. And, and so, you know, him and I had developed this, this really close relationship where we get to communicate at a very deep level. And, you know, we have not let each other settle for, like blaming each other, or, you know, that kind of thing.

Nellie Harden: 00:15:56

It's a quick way to bring anyone down right there.

Angela Aja: 00:15:58

Yeah, and so, but just really having deep conversations about the feelings that are real and that and not being offended, you know, not taking things personally and really exploring. I'm looking at everything with curiosity, and looking at everything with us feedback, I think those have been really key for both of our journeys together.

Nellie Harden: 00:16:27

So in the 6570, family project, you know, I really talked to our listeners and my clients, and I talked to everybody about how what we're doing is we're doing twofold, right, we're building that inner foundation that then they can launch the rest of their lives with. And we are also developing an experience within the 6570, that is positive, that can be looked back on and felt good about right, even through the hard, you can still feel so much good through very difficult things you go through, just depending on how those are addressed and supported. Right. And I know you, you know, speak with so many women that have been through very difficult things as you have as well. And I know I have my own story and things that I've been through. And it was very interesting. This past week, as you know, there's some mutual colleagues that Angela and I haven't we really spent a very deep weekend, brainstorming and just mind hacking and getting into how we can take what we love. We all do different things in the world. But we all bring good to the world. How we can dive deeper into that chip away more of that world, right that you're talking about that has kept us small, so that we can expand and by us expanding, we're expanding others. And when we went around, and we spoke on that very first day of things that are holding us back, every single one of us it was a room, there was seven of us in there, every single one of us what was holding us back were things that stemmed. And we're all in our 30s and 40s. All of these when we're in our 30s and 40s. Every single one of us what held us back stemmed from something or many things that had happened within these first 18 years, which is why I know that for me, I focus on this so so much and you you get to focus on these women that have been through this, but they want to repair it chip away the world and make something bigger despite what has happened before. Yes. So with with you and the work that you do, I'm curious, and I'm sure you see this too, so much of I want to get out there and I want to transform and I have to transform away from things that have held me back in the past these core beliefs that have set into me like stone, and I always say, you know, nothing is unchangeable, but it's just much harder. Once things are right, cured and concrete, you have to chip away at them, and it takes much longer. So why not make this, you know, make this event the way that you want to make it in the first place in this 6570, you know, training zone that we have with them. So with the work that you do, I'm just curious, is that something that you see on a normal basis and this transformation and what has to come from this this era of these women's lives?

Angela Aja: 00:19:24

Oh, absolutely. You know, so the way I explain it is like this, that, you know, we go through something as a child that we have to survive, and it may be something that was traumatic or it could just be that you have to survive being the middle child or the oldest or the youngest, whatever it is. But what happens is that, you know, you go along and you have to survive something. And so, you you, you choose you pick up this survival mindset and it works for you and helps you get through whatever you had to get through. And, and thankfully, like, that's the way I designed his brain. Sorry, that's what our brain is designed to work, my brain went back. And so like our brain is designed to protect us. And thankfully it does, because it keeps us from walking off a cliff, right? And so, so I'm thankful that we have those survival mindsets. But what happens is, is that once you you use that survival mindset, usually what happens is, you use it again, and then use it again, use it again, and it becomes a habit. And what happens is you get through sort of whatever you had to survive, and you're ready to start thriving. So it's like you've got these old survival mindsets that become your comfort zone. And these become like your go twos. And so you know, you're going along, and you've got these survival mindsets that are operating underneath, you know, in your subconscious, even if you don't know that they're there. But then you hit a season of your life where you're like, Okay, I'm ready to start thriving, you start trying to go this way. But those old survival mindsets that have become your comfort zone, pull you back. And again, that's why you sabotage yourself. And so really, it's just going through a process of identifying what are those survival mindsets that keep me from really stepping into a thriving season of life. And it really is not really hard, it just, it just, it takes a simple process of identifying them. And then, you know, redefining those, those survival mindsets that are no longer working for you, and then turning them into thriving mindsets. And so the the other thing, the way that I describe this is the way our brain works is like, I don't know if you ever grew up in a neighborhood, but it's like, you've got this neighborhood of kids. And it's the last day of school, and they've all got their bikes. And on the other side, there's this green grassy field, and then there's the park. So if they ride their bike over that green grassy field to the park, the first day of summer, you know, what happens to the grass? Yeah, it gets a little bit low Munch. Yeah. But then if they dried over that same path, every day of the summer, by the end of the summer, they've actually created a group a path. And that's what happens the first time you think that survival mindset, it kind of bends the grass, but then you think it over and over and over again, it becomes a path. But the cool thing is, is that even if you've created this path, there's all this other greens, you feel like you have so many choices. So it's just having a plan to identify what those old survival mindsets are how to change them into thriving mindsets, and then having a plan to practice that new way of thinking. And, and that it's been very effective.

Nellie Harden: 00:23:12

And that's amazing to me, because I feel like that is the greatest segue into what I was having a discussion with somebody the other day, and they happen to be a very big leader in their field. And they were saying that, you know, because I do self led leadership, or self led discipline and leadership, and this making a good experience of this foundation of the family. But he said not everyone, or nor should Everyone, be a CEO of a company. And number one, I couldn't agree more. And I said, but let me ask you this, your employees, right, your employees that are there? Do you want them to have a drive within themselves in order to go and accomplish what they need to and you're asking them to accomplish? And you said, Well, of course I said, well, that right there, take self love discipline. So leadership does not always mean you're going to go lead others. In fact, it very first has to mean that you're going to lead yourself and so talking about this, this pathway through the grass, so to speak, which I love that, you know, visual, I'm such a visual person. But with that you want to really work with your kids in order to set up the right path that's always going to take them to where they want to be right. And so not everyone needs to go out there and be like, Okay, I'm going to go conquer the world. Sometimes your kids yourself are going to be the people that help the people conquer the world and make it a better place. But even to do that we need to make sure that within that path that we're making, we're become we're becoming self leaders in that so I think that is a wonderful analogy just to keep on the path of self leadership.

Angela Aja: 00:25:06

Yes, yes. And I think we should all be the CEO of our own lives. Oh, yeah. Or the CEO of our own lives, you know, then, and part of that is knowing you know, who you are, why you're here and what you're here to do. And then that, you know, that is living with purpose that is making your mark on the earth. And like, I love what you said, you know, that even if you are not the world changer, you may have changers, right. So, you know, why not help them create those paths are going to, you know, set them up for success from the beginning. So yeah, I love that.

Nellie Harden: 00:25:46

Absolutely. So I'm curious with you, and what your story and what you've gone through, can you share a story about your own? Your own kiddo or kiddos are grand kiddos? and grandchildren, I always say kiddos, grandchildren, and how they might have exhibited that, that self love discipline or that self leadership within themselves or helped lead others? Do you have any fun stories to share?

Angela Aja: 00:26:15

Well, um, yeah, you know, I think that with my son, Jetson he is 19. And I think, you know, like, I tried to do the best I could with him. But I think one of my biggest areas of success with him was getting him in front of good people. And so like, yes, we've built a great relationship, and all of that, by getting him in front of people who are very, you know, powerful leaders. And having them spend time with him has, I mean, that has made a huge impact. So in other words, like, using the resources that you have in people around you to say things to your kids, that they may not necessarily, you know, accept from you. I think that is huge. And I Yeah, I agree. I can so Oh, good night, sorry, I did that I got him in front of a lot of good people. And, and he ended up becoming the youngest manager at Starbucks, that they've had. And so he, you know, he was trained by just an amazing man who is an amazing leader, and really taught him how to, you know, just to be with people and to be with people who are angry, you know, about their orders and to be giving and not let your own emotions get in the way. And, you know, I just think so many times when, you know, he was at Starbucks, so many opportunities. Well, one story, I guess, in particular, as an example, so, because of what he did there at Starbucks, he recently received an offer that most 19 year olds would never receive, and he is going to be the CEO of a brand new and upcoming Coffee Company that if I said the name, you would know what it is. And so he has been given this incredible opportunity. And he leaves in two weeks to begin to be the be the one that opens all their new stores and that kind of thing. So but so here, he she just finished his time at Starbucks last week was his last day. And so he has built these relationships with these men who come in three men in particular that come in to Starbucks every day. So here he is getting ready to leave. And he bought each one of them a $50 Starbucks card, oh, went and you know, spent time with them and gave it to him and said, you know, you've really impacted my life. And so you know, just those little touches that, you know, here he is the one that's sleeping, and but he spent his money and bought them, you know, a very significant gift and say, You've impacted my life. And I'm going to take the things that I've learned from you and take them into the next season of my life. And I just think that is that's so class act, you know?

Nellie Harden: 00:29:49

Yes. Oh my goodness. That's amazing. And there's so there's so many things I i love about that, but just seeing him Rise up and be able to find other people and find these people and give them honor and credit in his life for what they did. But even going back to what you said is, you know, I did the best I could and I pour it in. And I mean, I'm sure you did amazing. I know you did. But even the act of finding other people, because, you know, in our talk, we've talked about how the world and let's face it, the world is people. Right? Right, right, a tree or a pond isn't going to be, you know, putting you down, but but people are and so getting out there and having people surround him that can speak into him and grow him. That's significant. Because what's the opposite of that? Right, I'm going to find people that are going to put them down. Well, that's, of course, not what we want to ever do. And so actually actively pursuing Who can I find that's going to surround him with it with, you know, emotional, mental, spiritual fertilizer to grow him further grow this foundation that I've been building this, especially in that later teen years, because you're, you know, thread of that a super high impact time is dwindling, some and you need to launch him out into the world. And so if you can launch him, not just with the foundation of you, but then a huge parachute of other people that are lifting him up. I mean, that is just huge. So super, kudos to you for having that top of mind and being able to find that for him. And I know that I've had a significant amount of mentors in my life significant. And I didn't, when I was that age at all, I didn't find mentors, I didn't really understand what mentorship was, or anything like that, until I was much older, like in my 30s. And so I just think, you know, what, if What if I would have stepped back and had some, there was definitely some people that trickled, you know, in and out, but I didn't look at them that way. And if I didn't look at them as a mentor, then I didn't receive from them as a mentor, either. Sure. And so, okay, this has been such an amazing conversation. And I just want to close out with just do you have any advice for our listeners of how what you would say maybe, you know, a tip or two about what you would say, and raising your kids through this 6570 training zone, high impact time that parents can have? What's some words of advice that you would have for them?

Angela Aja: 00:32:37

Sure, well, um, you know, the first thing I would say is that, you know, they're watching you, and they're going to follow your lead. And, and even if you don't think they're watching they are and, you know, I have three other grandkids that I didn't even talk about, who are wildly successful human beings, especially, you know, even going through so much of their own pain and disappointment and all of that. And, and they are thriving individuals. And so I think that it's because they were watching me be so committed to being resilient, that it inspired them to be resilient as well. And, like, just the fact that they saw me pressing through, they don't focus on the mistakes that I've made, you know, we talk about it, and we joke about some of the crazy mistakes that I've made along the way. But that's my mistakes are not what they've they've been left with, you know, that's not what impacted them. What has impacted them is them watching my commitment to be resilient. And so I guess that that is really the biggest key, you know, that I would take away is that, that I would least like to leave with your listeners, it's is to know that your children are watching. And so all of the work that you do on yourself, it's not selfish, it's not just about you, the more you work on yourself, they're going to follow your lead and as you rise up, to be a better human being, they will do the same thing and as you have better conversations in your head, you know, in your mind, if you think better, then they you'll have better conversations with them. And so, you know, really develop yourself and like, you know, even the things that you've experienced the hardships like, you know, use all of those things to make you a better person. And I'll just tell a very quick story and end it with this, but I wrote a book called summoned to soar the five stages the rise of a woman and It's all about the butterfly. And the one thing that most people don't know is that when the caterpillar goes into the butterfly cocoon, the whole time she's in there, she can't excrete. So she's face to face, she's swimming in her own stuff. And so, but if all of that, that actually becomes the fertilizer that helps her transform into who she was created to be so powerful, and so she, she finally, you know, she breaks out, she, she kicks her way out of the cocoon, she's a fully formed butterfly, she kicks her way out. And then as she's laying there, she's exhausted, because break through is hard work. But this is so interesting, and most people don't know this. But as she's laying there, her wings are all wet and heavy and gooey. And she just kind of instinctively knows that she needs to flap them. And if she starts to flap her wings, it forces all of the stuff all the excretion that was in the cocoon with her backup into her body, and into her wings and hardens. Oh my goodness, yes. And so like all of this, you know, junk that you've been through is what gives your wings the strength to fly. And so just knowing that like, like, even if your life hasn't turned out the way you expected it to, like all of that can be used for your good. And if you become resilient, your children are watching and they will follow your lead. You want to raise resilient children be resilient if you want to raise children that are self led in the lead themselves. Well, you have to lead yourself well and that is the absolute key.

Nellie Harden: 00:36:48

So true. So true. While thank you so much for being here. Can you tell everybody where they can find you?

Angela Aja: 00:36:55

Yes, they can go to www dot Angela aja.com that's Angela ANGELA AJA I am Angela Lynn on Facebook. ANGELA LYNN. And then Angela AJA coaching is my coach no sorry, Coach Angela Aja as my Facebook page. So

Nellie Harden: 00:37:27

okay. All right. Well, thank you so much. It was it was drops of gold honestly, for our listeners today. And thank you so much for being on here.

Angela Aja: 00:37:37

Thank you. It was such a privilege.

Nellie Harden: 00:37:40

Oh bye Angela.