Reflections of Motherhood and Building Forward with Guest Kelly Bermingham

Nellie Harden: 00:00:04

Hello and welcome to the 6570 family project

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podcast. If you are a parent of a tween teen or somewhere on the

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way, this is exactly the place for you. This is the playground

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for parents who want to raise their kids with intention,

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strength and joy. Come in here all the discussions, get all the

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tactics and have lots of laughs along the way. We will dive into

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the real challenges in raising kids today how to show up as

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parents and teach your kids how to show up as members of the

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family and individuals of the world. My name is Mellie Hardin,

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big city girl turn small town sipping iced tea on the front

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porch mama who loves igniting transformation in the hearts and

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minds of families by helping them build self love, discipline

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and leadership that elevates the family experience. And sets the

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kids up with a rock solid foundation they can launch their

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life on all before they ever leave home. This is the 6570

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family project. Let's go Hello, everyone. Welcome back to

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another episode of the 6570 family project podcast. I have a

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very special guest on here today Kelly Birmingham. It's so funny

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I had a cousin growing up and it was the Kelly and Nelly show we

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would always talk about and then I had a I had another friend in

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my adulthood named Shelly and it was the Shelly and Millie show.

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So anyway, it was just kind of fun interviewing Kelly. today

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for you guys. Kelly is an entrepreneur and founder of the

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motherhood you guys. She it is a mentorship program for moms. And

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she's the creator of the stress mom's system for creating more

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joy. She lives in Spokane, Washington with her husband,

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Tom, and they've already raised their son. And now she is on a

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mission to help busy working moms create simple systems so

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that they can get this stress less and enjoy the journey more

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who does not want that, right. So through her life experience

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and journey, which she is definitely still on aren't we

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all, she has developed a passion for helping moms raise raise

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good humans while maintaining their own sanity, through

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mindfulness, grace and confidence. And she helps women

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step into their own beauty and shine as their authentic selves.

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So through her own education, and over 20 years of working in

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the educational system, she has discovered the power of

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listening to your own intuition and being authentically you.

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Let's dive into this conversation because there's

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some really rich material in here, from a reflection on a

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motherhood, at least the 6570 part of motherhood, the high

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influence High Impact Zone, gone by right she's almost as she

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says twice the 6570 now, and what she has realized from her

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time within that 6570 And how she has turned that around on a

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mission today. So let's go ahead and welcome Kelly and get

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started. Alright, everyone, welcome back to another episode

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of the 6570 family project podcast. You guys I am so

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excited today. I've already told you a little bit about Kelly,

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and all of the things that she has done and brought to the

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table and her wisdom and her caring. And I can't wait to

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start this conversation with you. So first of all, welcome to

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the show, Kelly.

Kelly Bermingham: 00:03:37

Well, thank you for having me knowing I'm

Kelly Bermingham: 00:03:38

super excited to be here today.

Nellie Harden: 00:03:40

Oh, you're so welcome. You know, it's so

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funny. It just occurred to me after I said your name. My

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cousin growing up her name was Kelly and and I had a really

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close friend a few years ago also named Kelly. And so it was

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always the Kelly and Mellie show. And it was just kind of

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funny. I was like Oh, another Kelly. So yeah, Kelly and

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Nellie, coming at you today all about family and moms. So I'm

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excited to get this conversation going. And I think it's so

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important for people that are listening, and I can't wait to

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hear to how you are obviously a leader in motherhood and family

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and helping moms really produce those simple systems so they can

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stress less and enjoy the journey more, which is really

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the name of the game some days. And I want to know, how did this

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all come to be in your life? How did you get to this point that

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you are a leader in this space?

Unknown: 00:04:38

It's a great question. First of all, I just want every

Unknown: 00:04:42

woman to know that a leader is someone who has influence. And

Unknown: 00:04:46

so as a mom, I mean, what greater influence do you have?

Unknown: 00:04:50

And so we're all leaders, first of all, yeah. But I had one son,

Unknown: 00:04:58

and my husband and I were just very involved in His life wanted

Unknown: 00:05:00

him to have the best possible childhood he could. And you walk

Unknown: 00:05:06

through that journey, there's no manual, you know, you do the

Unknown: 00:05:09

best you can. And I just always had that sense that I was meant

Unknown: 00:05:13

to be a mom. But then they tell you get involved in your child's

Unknown: 00:05:17

life. But nobody prepares you for what happens once they

Unknown: 00:05:20

leave. And so I kept searching for like, what's next? What am I

Unknown: 00:05:24

supposed to do, and I was working full time, very

Unknown: 00:05:28

successful, I was a leader in my side gig. But I just kept felt

Unknown: 00:05:32

feeling like there was something missing. And you can only

Unknown: 00:05:35

mother, your husband so much before he gets tired of it. But

Unknown: 00:05:40

I was fortunate that I did work in education, I worked in career

Unknown: 00:05:44

in technical education and career and college readiness.

Unknown: 00:05:47

And so I worked with a very close knit group of staff

Unknown: 00:05:50

probably around like 40 to 50. And so I've mothered them for

Unknown: 00:05:54

quite a few years, but gave me a really good perspective on like,

Unknown: 00:05:58

what was changing and raising kids or what was happening to

Unknown: 00:06:01

how we were raising kids. And so it just really paid attention to

Unknown: 00:06:06

what I saw as some issues. But then my son, he grew up, he got

Unknown: 00:06:11

married, and I started to feel like, well, again, what's next,

Unknown: 00:06:16

whether he has someone else to take care of him even when he's

Unknown: 00:06:19

sick. And then we lost a family member, which really tugged at

Unknown: 00:06:25

my heartstrings. I mean, anytime you lose a family member, but I

Unknown: 00:06:28

started paying attention to what was happening to our younger

Unknown: 00:06:31

moms right now. And I feel fortunate that I didn't have to

Unknown: 00:06:35

raise my son with social media. But I'm watching Moms be burnt

Unknown: 00:06:42

out stressed, have low self confidence, feel like they're

Unknown: 00:06:46

not doing it, right, because they see some perfect life on

Unknown: 00:06:51

social media. And it really struck me that one, our time

Unknown: 00:06:54

here is so short, that I need to make a decision on how I want to

Unknown: 00:06:57

finish living my life. And to I really felt drawn to do

Unknown: 00:07:03

something that would help these young women, because, I mean,

Unknown: 00:07:07

it's statistically looking like we're losing a lot of young

Unknown: 00:07:10

women because they can't handle that stress. And so that's where

Unknown: 00:07:14

my motherhood project really started and creating the system

Unknown: 00:07:18

because I think we can tend to make motherhood too hard. I

Unknown: 00:07:23

think there are some really simple questions and systems we

Unknown: 00:07:27

can put in place that would help us because it is our job to have

Unknown: 00:07:31

influence over our children. And we want to make sure that we're

Unknown: 00:07:35

having a good a good influence over them.

Nellie Harden: 00:07:38

Right? Absolutely. You know, there's

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these, I call them the the inevitable impacts that are

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happening to your children. And, you know, they are happening no

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matter what, and I even tell people, I'm like, they will even

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happen, and you are impacting them, even if you're not there,

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you know, and so if you know, these impacts are happening, we

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might as well do them as best as we can. But yeah, these impacts

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are happening, I think about my own, you know, childhood and

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people that were or weren't there, they still play a huge

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role. I lost my dad when I was one. I was one when my dad

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passed away, and he has played a huge role in my life, you know?

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And so it's just interesting to to look back on those influences

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those impacts that adults surrounding of someone's

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childhood have, and know what impact that they have. So with

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your own family with your, with your son, and husband, so were

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you more aware of these when you were raising him at all, or did

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a lot of this observation and recording and, and really just

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opening your eyes happened afterwards, after he had left

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home?

Unknown: 00:08:54

A lot of it happened after he had left. Yeah, um,

Unknown: 00:08:57

there were some things as you're going through it. But I think

Unknown: 00:08:59

that's one of the things that has drawn me to do what I'm

Unknown: 00:09:02

doing is to help other women not get to this point in their life

Unknown: 00:09:06

where they possibly could look back and say, Gosh, I really

Unknown: 00:09:09

wish I would have done that different. And I think you're

Unknown: 00:09:12

everybody's life is unique, and you're going to make decisions

Unknown: 00:09:15

that are best for you. But I just want to share my knowledge

Unknown: 00:09:19

because I think, you know, I could shed some light onto

Unknown: 00:09:22

something that maybe I have a regret over now that I could

Unknown: 00:09:25

help somebody change while they still have their kiddos at home.

Nellie Harden: 00:09:30

Absolutely. You know, when you think of

Nellie Harden: 00:09:36

something that your son may have had or didn't have when he left

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home and I asked this because I was interviewing, and I guess

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doing a project with actually last year. This mom and daughter

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duo and their entire premise is this. The daughter is an adult

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and they go back and they talk back and forth about what we

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could have done different back then. And what it would have

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done now in order to educate, you know, people that are going

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through it right now. And it was really interesting to pair up

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with these two. And I just think back on, you know, on my own

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what could have been something even as simple I remember the

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first time I had to do my own load of laundry at college, and

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I was like, oh, no, are the quarters go, I don't know what

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what soap to put in, do I put the dryer stuff during the wash

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stuff, I was so confused. And I was like, you know, this was

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probably something I should have learned when I was still at

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home, and figured out before it was just me and all my clothes,

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and I could ruin them all and then have not a dime to buy

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another pair of jeans. And so it's just kind of funny things

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like that. But also the deep emotional intelligence, you

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know, a pieces of that. And it's the that confidence piece. It's

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the wisdom piece. And really confidence and wisdom and

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respect are the cornerstones for setting someone up for this for

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this life, that they can live at their best going forward. And so

Nellie Harden: 00:11:14

I'm curious with what you see now or what you experienced?

Nellie Harden: 00:11:18

What were some things that you're like, oh, yeah, maybe I

Nellie Harden: 00:11:22

could have worked on that a little bit better. And I say

Nellie Harden: 00:11:25

this prefacing not to throw you under the bus, because we are

Nellie Harden: 00:11:27

all parents, we are all doing the best we can writing the book

Nellie Harden: 00:11:31

along the way. And I am not a perfect parent, by any stretch.

Nellie Harden: 00:11:36

And we just do the best that we can every day. So I'm curious

Nellie Harden: 00:11:39

what we can learn from you in this aspect.

Unknown: 00:11:42

Yeah, so we only had one child and my husband came

Unknown: 00:11:46

from a bigger family, I came from just having one sister. And

Unknown: 00:11:49

so we had a little bit different philosophy on what it's like to

Unknown: 00:11:53

be part of a family. But we were under the same understanding

Unknown: 00:11:57

that our child didn't ask to be born, we chose to have them. So

Unknown: 00:12:00

we wanted them to have the best possible life that we could give

Unknown: 00:12:04

him. So we were not a family where there were chores. We were

Unknown: 00:12:09

not a family where there was allowance. And so when I hear

Unknown: 00:12:13

you talk about your laundry story that is exactly like those

Unknown: 00:12:18

are some of the stories that come to mind for me. So my

Unknown: 00:12:22

husband was always afraid that if you let him mow the lawn or

Unknown: 00:12:24

do something like that, he might injure himself. And of course, I

Unknown: 00:12:28

just doted on him. So he did, he went off to college, he didn't

Unknown: 00:12:31

know how to do laundry, he didn't know how to cook. And so

Unknown: 00:12:35

you know, he then he wouldn't have bought his first house, he

Unknown: 00:12:37

didn't know how to mow the grass, he. So looking back, it's

Unknown: 00:12:40

those little things that even if they're not a chore for your

Unknown: 00:12:44

kid, involving them, so that you can be teaching them to be an

Unknown: 00:12:48

independent person when they're older. So those are the sort of

Unknown: 00:12:53

things that come come to mind for me, is he didn't have those

Unknown: 00:12:57

basic skills like even how to clean a house. Where I think

Unknown: 00:13:03

where we raised him was a very small town. And one thing I

Unknown: 00:13:08

think I would like parents to pay attention to is what what is

Unknown: 00:13:11

that atmosphere where you live, like what is going on for your

Unknown: 00:13:15

child, because looking back, when we dropped our child off at

Unknown: 00:13:21

college, and he came home six weeks later, he was almost a

Unknown: 00:13:25

totally different person. He stood taller, he held his

Unknown: 00:13:28

shoulders back, he held his head high. And I mean, this was a kid

Unknown: 00:13:32

who was really involved in school, he did sports, he did

Unknown: 00:13:34

band he, you know, he was very active, and had friends. But he

Unknown: 00:13:39

when he came home, he said, the town we lived in like your

Unknown: 00:13:44

stereotypes from the first day you enter into that school

Unknown: 00:13:47

system. And he said he could remember the day we were driving

Unknown: 00:13:51

him to college, that he thought this is the opportunity to be

Unknown: 00:13:55

who I really am and who I really want to be. And so I think those

Unknown: 00:13:59

are even important conversations to have, I think we have them

Unknown: 00:14:02

with our kids about just be yourself. But are they able to

Unknown: 00:14:07

is is where you're raising them or the kind of atmosphere

Unknown: 00:14:11

they're in allowing them to shine.

Nellie Harden: 00:14:14

So I find this topic. Very interesting because

Nellie Harden: 00:14:18

we've always lived in bigger cities. But six years ago, we

Nellie Harden: 00:14:21

moved to a very, very, very small town, coastal North

Nellie Harden: 00:14:25

Carolina, very small town, and I can completely see where you're

Nellie Harden: 00:14:29

coming from. And also to flip the coin on that in that small

Nellie Harden: 00:14:33

town. There are a lot of influences. Where are they

Nellie Harden: 00:14:38

becoming someone that they're not because of some of those

Nellie Harden: 00:14:42

influences or are they not being able to be who they are because

Nellie Harden: 00:14:46

of those influences and it is a really tight line, too try and

Nellie Harden: 00:14:50

navigate as a parent. And I think there's something

Nellie Harden: 00:14:55

beautiful and rich and amazing about small towns. You I grew up

Nellie Harden: 00:15:00

watching Gilmore Girls, you know, and all the things and I

Nellie Harden: 00:15:03

was like, oh, I want to live in a Stars Hollow and I do live in

Nellie Harden: 00:15:06

a Stars Hollow now, but there's also a downside to that as well.

Nellie Harden: 00:15:11

But there's there's so many upsides there's so many

Nellie Harden: 00:15:13

downsides, right? With every decision in life. And I do find

Nellie Harden: 00:15:17

it very interesting. But when you I completely agree when you

Nellie Harden: 00:15:21

go off to college, and I say this, I actually went to middle

Nellie Harden: 00:15:24

and high school in a very big city, right? It was a suburb of

Nellie Harden: 00:15:29

Detroit, called Birmingham. And we, we, it was a, you know, very

Nellie Harden: 00:15:36

big metropolis type area, whatever. And I came in there in

Nellie Harden: 00:15:40

sixth grade. And already in sixth grade, when we had moved

Nellie Harden: 00:15:44

there, I was already branded. I wasn't one of the ones that had

Nellie Harden: 00:15:47

had these friendships since kindergarten and had the had the

Nellie Harden: 00:15:51

little league or the, you know, the little soccer photos with my

Nellie Harden: 00:15:54

second grade friends that we're still friends with today. Right?

Nellie Harden: 00:15:57

And it was hard. It was hard in middle school, right? It didn't

Nellie Harden: 00:16:01

help that I had permed bangs and straight hair. I don't know why

Nellie Harden: 00:16:05

I had that in 1980s. But I did. And that didn't help. But it was

Nellie Harden: 00:16:12

really hard going in there. And then I noticed going into high

Nellie Harden: 00:16:14

school, it was just a continuation because everyone

Nellie Harden: 00:16:17

from middle went over to the high. And I to agree that when I

Nellie Harden: 00:16:22

went off to college, which I went seven hours away from my

Nellie Harden: 00:16:26

home, how many hours did he go away?

Unknown: 00:16:28

About five? Okay, House is open. It's a snowy mountain

Unknown: 00:16:32

pass. So in the wintertime, sometimes they close it.

Nellie Harden: 00:16:34

Okay. All right. So when I came home, and I

Nellie Harden: 00:16:38

didn't come home until Thanksgiving, my, my freshman

Nellie Harden: 00:16:42

year, they dropped me off. And I didn't come home until

Nellie Harden: 00:16:44

Thanksgiving. I was probably if you asked my mom, I was probably

Nellie Harden: 00:16:47

a much different person than to for many, many reasons, some

Nellie Harden: 00:16:50

good and some not so good. But I remember feeling like okay,

Nellie Harden: 00:16:55

yeah, this is my opportunity to reinvent myself and not just be

Nellie Harden: 00:16:59

the kid that just came into the school even though I was there

Nellie Harden: 00:17:02

for seven years. But man, it can be hard going into a new school

Nellie Harden: 00:17:08

system or a new town. So with that, with the way that he had

Nellie Harden: 00:17:15

changed when he came back, how is he you know, living or and

Nellie Harden: 00:17:21

what is his view on that? And has he been able to maintain his

Nellie Harden: 00:17:26

own identity through his adult years.

Unknown: 00:17:30

So he just flourished. When he got to college, he again

Unknown: 00:17:36

had a very tight and he's always been like this a very tight

Unknown: 00:17:39

group of friends. Okay. He's still his friends. He's actually

Unknown: 00:17:42

skiing in Montana with them right now. And jealousy. I know.

Unknown: 00:17:47

He, I guess when he looks back on his childhood, and I feel

Unknown: 00:17:53

like we set him up with the proper thinking around how you

Unknown: 00:17:58

can do things. So even though we didn't he didn't have chores and

Unknown: 00:18:01

didn't have to do things he is a can do type of kid, he's going

Unknown: 00:18:05

to figure out how to do it. He's either going to ask one of us

Unknown: 00:18:07

ask somebody else look on the internet. He's very independent,

Unknown: 00:18:12

and has become very, I don't want to say minimalist, but he

Unknown: 00:18:18

lives a very comfortable lifestyle. They are very

Unknown: 00:18:22

outdoorsy, they like to hike and bike. And I say they because now

Unknown: 00:18:25

he's married. But I think the combination of how we raised him

Unknown: 00:18:32

like being very loving, being open to conversations. He's one

Unknown: 00:18:38

of those people that every time you meet somebody, they're like,

Unknown: 00:18:40

I just love your child, which makes me happy. But he also is

Unknown: 00:18:46

someone who avoids drama. He that's just not something and I

Unknown: 00:18:51

don't know if that came from where he grew up, and like what

Unknown: 00:18:53

we see happen in schools, but he is just a very simple, happy

Unknown: 00:18:58

person.

Nellie Harden: 00:19:00

So as you know, we talk a lot about self

Nellie Harden: 00:19:03

discipline, leadership in the 6570 family project, and 6570

Nellie Harden: 00:19:09

for any new listeners that we have, that's how many days we

Nellie Harden: 00:19:12

really have in this high impact high influence timezone 6570

Nellie Harden: 00:19:16

days or 18 years. But when you put it in the, in the scope of

Nellie Harden: 00:19:20

days, it really puts it into perspective for you. But that's

Nellie Harden: 00:19:25

really made up of four key pillars of vision and discipline

Nellie Harden: 00:19:31

and vulnerability, and resilience. And I find that you

Nellie Harden: 00:19:36

know, some people and the way that you're describing your son

Nellie Harden: 00:19:39

and and yourself too because this is for all of us, right?

Nellie Harden: 00:19:43

It's not just for our kids we grow through this process of

Nellie Harden: 00:19:45

parenting to it is 18 years of our lives as well. Not to say

Nellie Harden: 00:19:49

that as to your point that when they hit a teen you're like

Nellie Harden: 00:19:53

check the box done. Peace out right, but your high impact high

Nellie Harden: 00:19:58

influence zone does drastically shift. After that time, would

Nellie Harden: 00:20:02

you agree?

Unknown: 00:20:03

Oh, definitely, yeah, you only get those first 18

Unknown: 00:20:06

years. And I say 18, if you're lucky, because my son left for

Unknown: 00:20:09

college at the age of 17. Yeah,

Nellie Harden: 00:20:11

same same, I did, too. I'm very all four of my

Nellie Harden: 00:20:14

kids are going to be 18 when they leave with the way their

Nellie Harden: 00:20:17

birthdays fell with the school calendar, and what have you, but

Nellie Harden: 00:20:20

yes, I was 17 When I left too. And with those four pillars, I

Nellie Harden: 00:20:25

find that you know, some people are naturally attune with some

Nellie Harden: 00:20:31

of them, and then naturally deficient in some others, which

Nellie Harden: 00:20:35

means we, you know, need to help them work through those,

Nellie Harden: 00:20:38

especially in order to build that confidence, wisdom and

Nellie Harden: 00:20:42

respect for others. And wisdom. You know, that's academic, that

Nellie Harden: 00:20:46

is emotional intelligence, that is, how to have a relationship

Nellie Harden: 00:20:50

that is how to do laundry, you know, it is it is all the things

Nellie Harden: 00:20:54

in there. So I hear you talking about with, with your son that

Nellie Harden: 00:20:59

maybe you know, some of these things he was naturally gifted

Nellie Harden: 00:21:03

in, but you guys also as parents, were able to massage

Nellie Harden: 00:21:06

some of those. And then he really got it when he was on his

Nellie Harden: 00:21:09

own, and had to figure some of those things out on its own.

Nellie Harden: 00:21:13

Because, I mean, there's nothing like being out on your own when

Nellie Harden: 00:21:16

you find out what your weaknesses are.

Unknown: 00:21:18

Right, right. Oh, my goodness, I do think as parents

Unknown: 00:21:22

that that's something we need to pay attention to. So, you know,

Unknown: 00:21:25

we take care of our child, we're involved in every aspect of

Unknown: 00:21:28

their life from a young age. But there comes a point when you

Unknown: 00:21:31

have to start teaching them how to fight their own battles, or

Unknown: 00:21:35

how to figure out a problem. And that's very hard. As a parent, I

Unknown: 00:21:40

think, especially as a mom, you don't ever want to see your kid

Unknown: 00:21:43

make a mistake that's going to possibly affect their entire

Unknown: 00:21:46

life, or cause them harm. But as your child starts to develop and

Unknown: 00:21:54

starts to grow, you have to find small ways to let them make

Unknown: 00:21:58

those mistakes. Yeah. Because that's truly how they learn.

Unknown: 00:22:02

Yeah, that's how they learn self discipline, is when they make a

Unknown: 00:22:06

mistake that could possibly have a drastic effect on their life,

Unknown: 00:22:10

or even something as simple as Did you talk to the teacher yet

Unknown: 00:22:14

about that, like quit fighting their battles, especially in

Unknown: 00:22:17

high school? Yeah, they'll quit their battles, like teach them

Unknown: 00:22:21

how to have conversations with adults and advocate for

Unknown: 00:22:23

themselves.

Nellie Harden: 00:22:24

Absolutely. One of my daughter's my 16 year old

Nellie Harden: 00:22:27

she is doing dual enrollment with high school in college

Nellie Harden: 00:22:30

right now. And so she's getting these college syllabuses or

Nellie Harden: 00:22:34

syllabi, I don't know. And, but she's getting them. And, you

Nellie Harden: 00:22:39

know, first semester, when she did this, there, we had a few

Nellie Harden: 00:22:42

times that it was like, oh, there was an assignment due and

Nellie Harden: 00:22:45

I missed it, because I didn't see it on this section of the

Nellie Harden: 00:22:47

syllabi, or syllabus, and, and, you know, it was all this, and

Nellie Harden: 00:22:50

we're like, you gotta, you know, you got to do this, here's a

Nellie Harden: 00:22:53

daily calendar for you, you know, and there was definitely

Nellie Harden: 00:22:56

some mess ups that she was able to reverse. In fact, one time

Nellie Harden: 00:23:01

she missed an entire exam, she was so focused on a bio final,

Nellie Harden: 00:23:06

that she completely missed that she had a pre calc test that

Nellie Harden: 00:23:09

day. And she was like, what, and it was built into that syllabus,

Nellie Harden: 00:23:15

though, that if you, whatever your lowest grade is on a test,

Nellie Harden: 00:23:21

you whatever you get on the final, if it's more than that,

Nellie Harden: 00:23:24

it can replace that. And so that entire grade, I mean, she was

Nellie Harden: 00:23:29

going into, you know, her final with a pretty nasty grade, she

Nellie Harden: 00:23:33

got a zero on one of those exams. And but she went in and

Nellie Harden: 00:23:37

she pulled out, I think she got like a 94. And so she was able

Nellie Harden: 00:23:40

to pull it out. But that was that was a lesson she had to

Nellie Harden: 00:23:43

learn. And right now, we are going to be looking at colleges

Nellie Harden: 00:23:47

this upcoming summer, right. And so I told her, she's home right

Nellie Harden: 00:23:52

now COVID, shut down the school and what have you. So anyway, I

Nellie Harden: 00:23:56

was like, so we really, I really need you to be doing some

Nellie Harden: 00:24:00

research and figuring out best schools for this and what their

Nellie Harden: 00:24:03

programs are, because we need to be visiting this in like, you

Nellie Harden: 00:24:07

know, four or five months. And she's scared. And I totally get

Nellie Harden: 00:24:10

that I was freaked out with that, but putting it into their

Nellie Harden: 00:24:14

hands to be able to be like this is this is your road, it's your

Nellie Harden: 00:24:18

path. How you know, don't you want to be a part of where that

Nellie Harden: 00:24:21

goes. And I think that's really, really important.

Unknown: 00:24:25

Yeah, definitely. And I think, I mean, having come from

Unknown: 00:24:28

education world to is, you know, some type of education after

Unknown: 00:24:33

high school. So I think, you know, I like parents to

Unknown: 00:24:35

understand that. If your child decides not to go to a

Unknown: 00:24:38

university if they decide to start at community college, or

Unknown: 00:24:41

maybe go to a technical vocational school, like it's our

Unknown: 00:24:47

job to help guide them to experience things and find their

Unknown: 00:24:51

own path and so just being doesn't mean your kid is going

Unknown: 00:24:53

to be a failure if they don't go to a university because I don't

Unknown: 00:24:57

know about you, but how much do you pay the plumber when he

Unknown: 00:24:59

comes to In your house, a lot of money. Yeah, I think you're

Unknown: 00:25:04

right, like helping them, helping them have a voice in

Unknown: 00:25:09

what's going to happen in their future.

Nellie Harden: 00:25:11

Yes. And to that point, too, I think it's really

Nellie Harden: 00:25:14

interesting. A lot of people are shocked to find out when we're

Nellie Harden: 00:25:17

just chatting with other friends that have kids around our ages.

Nellie Harden: 00:25:23

As much as I think a 529 plan is amazing for saving money, we

Nellie Harden: 00:25:29

chose not to do 529 plans for our kids, because we did not

Nellie Harden: 00:25:33

want to lock them into this path. So we have savings for

Nellie Harden: 00:25:40

them to do whatever it is that they're going to do. But being

Nellie Harden: 00:25:44

an entrepreneur for the last 20 years, I know so many amazing

Nellie Harden: 00:25:49

people that have gone on to do miraculous things that didn't

Nellie Harden: 00:25:52

step foot in a university once, but I also know many that have

Nellie Harden: 00:25:56

and so we never wanted to lock them into a path and do that.

Nellie Harden: 00:26:01

But yeah, so when we, when people find out that we don't

Nellie Harden: 00:26:04

have 520 nines, and we have different savings for them,

Nellie Harden: 00:26:06

they're like you didn't do a 529, I was like I didn't, you

Nellie Harden: 00:26:08

can only spend it on education. So I didn't want to, you know,

Nellie Harden: 00:26:11

lock them in to whatever that is. So it's it's funny, you

Nellie Harden: 00:26:15

mentioned that. But I want to touch back because I come from

Nellie Harden: 00:26:20

an animal background, actually, I was a marine biologist, and I

Nellie Harden: 00:26:24

worked in wild and captive work and all of this and going back

Nellie Harden: 00:26:31

simply with parenting. And it is kind of funny, looking at the,

Nellie Harden: 00:26:36

the development, this childhood period of development across the

Nellie Harden: 00:26:40

animal world, in human world, there's definitely some

Nellie Harden: 00:26:43

congruent seas between there. And I think about like a bear,

Nellie Harden: 00:26:48

you know, they always call mom's mama bears and what have you.

Nellie Harden: 00:26:50

And so I think about that, and we really are investing and

Nellie Harden: 00:26:56

giving our time and energy to these little ones in order to

Nellie Harden: 00:27:00

teach them how to do life on their own. And so when I think

Nellie Harden: 00:27:05

about all of these conversations, or all of these

Nellie Harden: 00:27:07

tasks, or all of these, you know, different experiences that

Nellie Harden: 00:27:10

they are having in their childhood, I'm like, Okay, right

Nellie Harden: 00:27:14

now we're learning this lesson, so that they know how to do XYZ.

Nellie Harden: 00:27:19

After they leave home. Of course, I'm always gonna be here

Nellie Harden: 00:27:21

just like you are for your son. But I'm just I'm, I'm curious on

Nellie Harden: 00:27:27

your view of that, and now versus how that's changed now

Nellie Harden: 00:27:30

versus before, because it really is preparing them for life after

Nellie Harden: 00:27:35

childhood.

Unknown: 00:27:38

Right. So So are you asking? I'm sorry, I'm kind of

Unknown: 00:27:44

confused of what questions I'm like, like, how can we help

Unknown: 00:27:47

prepare them through those lessons?

Nellie Harden: 00:27:49

Yeah. So I'm just curious, because of your

Nellie Harden: 00:27:52

experience with parenthood, and now your experience with your

Nellie Harden: 00:27:54

coaching and helping these moms, and really, has that lens

Nellie Harden: 00:28:01

shifted for you, and really helping prepare helping moms de

Nellie Harden: 00:28:06

stress and have this focus, or not focus, but have this

Nellie Harden: 00:28:10

viewpoint of I really am kind of preparing them to go forward? In

Nellie Harden: 00:28:16

this motherhood journey.

Unknown: 00:28:18

Yeah. So I think just like you mentioned, how we help

Unknown: 00:28:20

our kids. I mean, that's what I'm doing through this program

Unknown: 00:28:23

is kind of helping moms step back a minute, take a look at

Unknown: 00:28:28

things. Figure out like, are they living in accordance with

Unknown: 00:28:35

their values, right? Because that's something we would do

Unknown: 00:28:37

with our kids. Like, why did you make that decision? Is that

Unknown: 00:28:39

important to you? And so really just helping women kind of take

Unknown: 00:28:45

that pause. And I know we're busy. And so I've designed a

Unknown: 00:28:48

course so that it can be quick and easy. But I think when it

Unknown: 00:28:54

it's the same thing we do with our kids, when we ask them to

Unknown: 00:28:56

slow down, like, even when they're like on the playground

Unknown: 00:29:00

slow down, if you run too fast, you're gonna trip over

Unknown: 00:29:02

something. And so it is just, it's the same concept. It's, I

Unknown: 00:29:06

think, having lived through it, it and I just like you, when we

Unknown: 00:29:13

first started, you were talking about COVID, and how you guys

Unknown: 00:29:15

have to, you know, on a dime, switch what you're doing. And I

Unknown: 00:29:20

just think that those if a parent can figure out for

Unknown: 00:29:24

themselves, how to slow down work through the process.

Unknown: 00:29:27

They're modeling that for their child. And I believe that that

Unknown: 00:29:30

is our children, watch what we do, right? We always say don't

Unknown: 00:29:35

do what I do what I say don't do what I do, but they're watching,

Unknown: 00:29:39

they're going they're either going to learn to do it from

Unknown: 00:29:42

you, or they're going to be like, Man, I never want to be

Unknown: 00:29:44

like that and change. And so I think it's that I don't think we

Unknown: 00:29:49

ever as moms quit. Or maybe it's even just as women, but I don't

Unknown: 00:29:54

think we ever quit having that need or desire to help nurture

Unknown: 00:30:00

somebody along, not always do it for them. But give them ask the

Unknown: 00:30:04

right questions to help them arrive at the answer themselves.

Nellie Harden: 00:30:07

Yeah, absolutely. So I want to pivot just a little

Nellie Harden: 00:30:11

bit and talk about because you really talk about healthy

Nellie Harden: 00:30:15

relationships and boundaries. And what are some of the

Nellie Harden: 00:30:19

healthiest boundaries that you can see that the listeners today

Nellie Harden: 00:30:24

can kind of take and start utilizing or working on in order

Nellie Harden: 00:30:28

to take that stress level down, right, even in COVID times, even

Nellie Harden: 00:30:33

when the schedule is like, one day on or something on Tuesday

Nellie Harden: 00:30:37

and something else on Wednesday? What are some good boundaries

Nellie Harden: 00:30:40

that these moms can start creating?

Unknown: 00:30:44

Yeah, so I think one is creating some boundary that if

Unknown: 00:30:47

you need some quiet time, like create that boundary in your

Unknown: 00:30:50

house, so that your kids know, I always look back. And one of the

Unknown: 00:30:54

things I laugh at the most is, it didn't work to put my son in

Unknown: 00:30:56

timeout. So I used to put myself in timeout, I used to say, just

Unknown: 00:31:00

give me a few minutes. And I would just you know, like sit

Unknown: 00:31:03

behind a door so I could hear what he was doing. But I think

Unknown: 00:31:07

boundaries as far as your your space and your time, like I just

Unknown: 00:31:11

need one minute to take some deep breaths in the car before I

Unknown: 00:31:14

come into the house. Maybe for your kid like Hey, I while I'm

Unknown: 00:31:18

making dinner, I just want you to take five minutes to go maybe

Unknown: 00:31:22

for maybe for that kid, it's going your bedroom and dance to

Unknown: 00:31:25

some music that makes you happy or so I think boundaries around

Unknown: 00:31:29

creating space and time for what's going to refill your cup

Unknown: 00:31:33

recharge your battery. I think that's important. I think a lot

Unknown: 00:31:37

of whether you're a working mom, or even a stay at home, mom is

Unknown: 00:31:42

creating some boundaries around like, if I'm sure all your

Unknown: 00:31:46

listeners are listening, because family is one of their top core

Unknown: 00:31:49

values, right. And so I think it's really, it becomes really

Unknown: 00:31:53

easy at work. To just keep saying yes to things. Even if

Unknown: 00:31:59

you're a stay at home mom, it becomes really easy to keep

Unknown: 00:32:01

saying yes to the PTA or the school because they know you're

Unknown: 00:32:05

a stay at home mom. And so creating some boundaries around

Unknown: 00:32:08

what you're willing to do and not willing to do if it's going

Unknown: 00:32:11

to take time away from your family. Because I was listening

Unknown: 00:32:16

to another podcast one day and she said you have to think about

Unknown: 00:32:19

what it's going to cost not only in your time and your money, but

Unknown: 00:32:23

what is it going to cost in, in the influence that someone else

Unknown: 00:32:27

is having over your child? Like if you're not there, and your

Unknown: 00:32:30

child is with someone else, like they're having the influence

Unknown: 00:32:33

over your child? So definitely, I think it's creating that space

Unknown: 00:32:39

to refill your battery. It is learning to put things through

Unknown: 00:32:43

that no funnel, right? does it align with my core values? Do I

Unknown: 00:32:47

have time on my calendar? Do I really want to do it? So those

Unknown: 00:32:53

would be two of the biggest boundaries that I could think

Unknown: 00:32:55

of? Yeah, mom's because I think those are the those are the two

Unknown: 00:33:00

I see the most that are affecting women. They just we're

Unknown: 00:33:03

people pleasers. We want to make everybody happy. And so we say

Unknown: 00:33:06

yes. And we take time doing things that maybe aren't the

Unknown: 00:33:11

best for us.

Nellie Harden: 00:33:12

Yes, absolutely. Oh, my goodness. Well, this has

Nellie Harden: 00:33:16

been such a great conversation. And I honestly as we were going

Nellie Harden: 00:33:19

I thought of like three other things that I could ask you, but

Nellie Harden: 00:33:22

we are running out of time. So before we do, can you let us

Nellie Harden: 00:33:25

know is where we can find you. And so the listeners can go

Nellie Harden: 00:33:30

check you out.

Unknown: 00:33:31

Yep, so the best place to find me is on Instagram. And

Unknown: 00:33:34

it's less underscore stressed underscore mom's. And there is a

Unknown: 00:33:38

link in my bio where listeners can go get a freebie they can

Unknown: 00:33:43

sign up to be part of the community. So they can be the

Unknown: 00:33:45

first to know when the course is launched. But I just tried to

Unknown: 00:33:50

share some guidance and tips on Instagram that I wish I would

Unknown: 00:33:54

have known when I was a young mom. And I

Nellie Harden: 00:33:57

think that's invaluable. Honestly, I haven't

Nellie Harden: 00:33:59

gone through the entire process. I mean, I'm almost there with

Nellie Harden: 00:34:03

one of them. It's kind of crazy. You know, she'll be 17 in just a

Nellie Harden: 00:34:07

couple of months. Be still my heart and and then I have 214

Nellie Harden: 00:34:12

year olds and a 12 year old behind her. So yeah, it comes so

Nellie Harden: 00:34:17

fast. It really does. And I look back on pictures when they were

Nellie Harden: 00:34:21

just so little. And it was just it was just the six of us. It

Nellie Harden: 00:34:24

was our little tribe of six and which I guess isn't so little,

Nellie Harden: 00:34:28

but it was our little tribe of six and they were little and we

Nellie Harden: 00:34:31

would just go hand in hand everywhere. And I missed those

Nellie Harden: 00:34:34

days sometimes. Because it was it was physically exhausting.

Nellie Harden: 00:34:39

But there was so much less pressure back then with the

Nellie Harden: 00:34:45

talking about mom's dress, you know, with everything that's

Nellie Harden: 00:34:48

happening with the world and social media didn't have phones

Nellie Harden: 00:34:51

back then, you know, it was just so much easier back when they

Nellie Harden: 00:34:54

just had to hold your hand across the street.

Unknown: 00:34:57

And one of my son's favorite things when he would

Unknown: 00:34:59

make a mistake He would your Mulligan he wanted to do over.

Unknown: 00:35:02

And I think you know, like motherhood there is you don't

Unknown: 00:35:05

get a mulligan, there is no Mulligan, you get one shot at

Unknown: 00:35:09

it. So I just really am thankful for you having me on here

Unknown: 00:35:14

because I really just want moms to understand, like you said,

Unknown: 00:35:17

Vegas, you know, 65 to 70 days, I'm almost double that already.

Unknown: 00:35:22

And so just slow down. Like when when your kid grows up and

Unknown: 00:35:26

leaves the house, think about how many more years that you

Unknown: 00:35:30

have of your life, to keep doing what you want to do. And so

Unknown: 00:35:34

really just immerse yourself and in that time with your kids.

Nellie Harden: 00:35:39

Well, thank you so much for being on. This was a

Nellie Harden: 00:35:42

gift. And I can't wait to I'll put all of your information in

Nellie Harden: 00:35:46

the show notes. And so people can come and find you.

Unknown: 00:35:49

Great. Thank you so much, Nellie.

Nellie Harden: 00:35:50

All right. Bye bye. Thank you so much for

Nellie Harden: 00:35:55

listening today. And I hope you're able to take something

Nellie Harden: 00:35:58

from our discussion that you can use to build the foundation of

Nellie Harden: 00:36:01

self love leadership in your own family. If you are a parent with

Nellie Harden: 00:36:06

children, 17 or younger, and especially those around nine and

Nellie Harden: 00:36:10

up, I would love to extend an invitation to you to the best

Nellie Harden: 00:36:14

club in town. The family architects Club is a private

Nellie Harden: 00:36:18

club where intentional parents go that want to love support,

Nellie Harden: 00:36:23

connect or reconnect and really truly help guide their kids and

Nellie Harden: 00:36:27

teach them how to self lead in discipline and leadership. This

Nellie Harden: 00:36:31

is an online community and the you are welcome to it. Parenting

Nellie Harden: 00:36:36

is a project and you are the architect of this one. You plan

Nellie Harden: 00:36:41

you design and oversee the construction of the beginning of

Nellie Harden: 00:36:44

someone else's life. And that's what goes into these first 6570

Nellie Harden: 00:36:49

days. And it will be the foundation for the rest of their

Nellie Harden: 00:36:53

lives. So come join the club. You can find your invitation on

Nellie Harden: 00:36:57

the front page of my website Nelly hardened.com. That is ne

Nellie Harden: 00:37:01

ll ie H AR D n.com. Thank you again for being a part of this

Nellie Harden: 00:37:07

conversation today. And if something really resonated with

Nellie Harden: 00:37:10

you, or if you have a question, please don't hesitate to connect

Nellie Harden: 00:37:14

with me. You can find me on Instagram at Nellie Hardin. And

Nellie Harden: 00:37:17

lastly, if you love the information, please please leave

Nellie Harden: 00:37:21

a five star review and a comment so more and more families can be

Nellie Harden: 00:37:25

impacted by harnessing the strength of these ideas and

Nellie Harden: 00:37:28

tools in their own families. So thank you so much. Happy

Nellie Harden: 00:37:32

building you guys and I'll see you next week.