Setting Up For The Path In and After High School with Guest Stephanie Haynes

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Hello and welcome to the 6570 family project

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podcast. If you are a parent of a tween teen or somewhere on the

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way, this is exactly the place for you. This is the playground

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for parents who want to raise their kids with intention,

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strength and joy. Come and hear all the discussions, get all the

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tactics and have lots of laughs along the way. We will dive into

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the real challenges and raising kids today how to show up as

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parents and teach your kids how to show up as members of the

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family and individuals of the world. My name is Nellie Hardin,

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big city girl turns small towns sipping iced tea on the front

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porch mama, who loves igniting transformation in the hearts and

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minds of families by helping them build selfless discipline

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and leadership that elevates the family experience. And sets the

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kids up with a rock solid foundation they can launch their

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life on all before they ever leave home. This is the 6570

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family project. Let's go

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Hello, everyone. Welcome to another episode of the 6570

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family project podcast. No matter if this is your first

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time here or you've been around for a while you are here because

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you are a parent or thinking about being a parent and you

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want to help build those kids into the best version of

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themselves. And that's exactly what we're doing here. We are

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building confidence we are building respect, we are

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building wisdom into these kids all during their childhood so

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that they are equipped with that before they ever leave home. So

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today, this goes perfectly with us and honestly with me, I have

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a 16 year old to 14 year old and a 12 year old and our guest on

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here today. Stephanie Haynes is an education coach and

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consultant, you guys, she provides custom educational

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consulting and coaching for high school students, educators and

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schools that equips all of them to build a pathway to a future

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that the teens are excited about they want to pursue it. And she

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specializes in post high school pathway development and Goal,

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goal setting and time management and classroom and school culture

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development. When I sat down with Stephanie, earlier today, I

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was blown away because right now my kiddo is between her junior

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in or I'm sorry, she's in her junior, we're going into senior

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next year. And it's kind of the snowball effect for both child

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and parents. She's my oldest. So this is the first time we're

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going through this. This, this is the first time our family is

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going through this right? And what are the options that are

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out there. And Stephanie does such a great job in this

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interview of walking us through the five most common and

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pathways of post high school education. Now some people don't

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have post high school education, they go directly into business,

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they go directly into missions work or whatever that is. And

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that is good, too. But we are talking about the people that

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have a post high school education path. And that's where

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we go today. And this is so enlightening. Be sure you have a

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pen and paper out. I wish I would have like had a pen and

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paper out when my kids were like five when I was doing this, but

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it's all good. Right? We we love the time that we have left, we

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don't just think about the time that has gone on. So anyway, go

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grab a nice cold beverage or nice warm beverage whatever you

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want a pen and paper and listen in on this discussion with

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Stephanie. And without further ado, let's get started. Hello,

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everyone. Okay, you guys, I have told you about a little bit

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about Stephanie. I'm so excited to have her on here. So first of

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all, welcome to the show, Stephanie.

Unknown: 00:04:01

Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited to

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be here.

Nellie Harden: 00:04:04

Oh, I am so excited to and so like I said,

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Stephanie is an education coach and consultant. And if you've

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been listening to this at all, you know that I am, we've had

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all over the place with education. And if you're brand

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new, I personally have four kids that are 16 1414 and 12. And we

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do some homeschooling we have some dual enrollment happening.

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We've done every kind of school into the spectrum. And now we're

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getting to this pivot point right that we're really looking

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at the future so I cannot wait to see what Stephanie is going

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to share with us today. So but before we get into that, you are

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obviously a leader and education coaching consultant, like you

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said, and you provide these custom educational consulting

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and coaching for high school students and educators and

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schools that equips all stakeholders to build a pathway

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to a future where teens are sited to pursue and how I mean

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not to be redundant. How exciting would it be to have

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your teen excited to pursue right and not dreaded or not

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just lackadaisical? And like, well, I guess this is what I

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have to do next. So I guess this is what I'm going to do right?

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Or the dread. And that's what you get to specialize in. So I

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would love to know how you've gotten to this place. And what

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has your journey been like to be this educational leader that you

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are today?

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That's a really great question. And it's

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a very detailed story. So I'm going to give you like the

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snapshot, because we don't need to talk too much about it. But

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to establish that I actually do know what I'm talking about. I

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have wanted to be a teacher since I was in the second grade,

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I had a second grade teacher who inspired me and it never

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changed. So all through high school, all through middle

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school, I'm watching and learning because I'm going to be

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a teacher, I need to figure this out. Before I get there. I chose

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to go to top teaching school in the nation at that point, and

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still is ranked one in the top 10, which is incredible, because

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I had no idea that training I received was so state of the

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art. I taught in California, which is where I grew up for 10

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years, I taught in a public school. But I also taught for

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what was preliminary charter school, if you will, it was a

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school within a school and I worked with the demographic of

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kids that that other teachers didn't want to work with was at

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risk kids that they thought were going to cause problems. And

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we're never really on task and class and all those kinds of

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kids. And we got them through high school and graduated and

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successful. And I learned during that time that hmm, I kid a

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stereotype in one way will live up to that stereotype. But a kid

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who is stereotyped or labeled in a different way, will live up to

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that label too. And so I learned that if I could help them see

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who they were, and who they already could be and what the

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future could hold for them. They kind of start believing that

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too. And so helping them develop what was not even termed at this

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point, because I started teaching in 1991. So it's been a

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long time. It was not even termed a growth mindset, or, you

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know, limited mindset, I hope. I just understood that these kids

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felt stuck. And I didn't like them being stuck because I

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thought they could do better, they could definitely do

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something, I never believed that somebody can't accomplish

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something. And so working with those kids and training them to

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believe that they could do something and then working with

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them intensely for three years, I learned a ton about kids. And

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I learned a ton about the education system. And I learned

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a ton about the stereotypes. And so breaking those down. I

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thought, Oh, this is the best thing ever, when you have a kid

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who didn't believe they could graduate because they're in a

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gang and they don't have any parents at home. And their home

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life is like they make law and older episodes about it when

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they graduate and they have certification to be an EMT. And

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they're like, I'm doing something and they're getting

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out of what they're stuck in. There's no better feeling in the

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world for me as an educator. So that was the first part. Well,

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during this time, I'm also having kids I have now I have a

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25 year old got no 24 and 20 year olds, oh my gosh, you just

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turned 25 No more teenagers. But I was having these kids and I

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thought, well, do I stay home? Do I work? Do what is this look

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like? My husband got a new job when we moved to South Carolina?

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Well, that's a huge move. Yeah. And he was traveling, he said,

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Let's just have you stay home and so on. So I stayed home for

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a while. My kids went off to school, I was so happy on the

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day, both my son and my daughter were finally in school. And then

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my daughter had some struggles. There's some bullying, there was

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some, just some not good things. And I watched how the school

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responded, and nothing against our school. They were trying to

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be as supportive as possible. But you can't stop the cancer

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bullying the way they were trying. And so we brought our

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daughter home, and we homeschooled her fourth through

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eighth and my son decided he went home to so we homeschool

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him first through fifth, and had an amazing experience. So I'm

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here I'm a homeschool educator from my own kids. And the

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program that we taught in I became a teacher for them to so

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I taught English for the homeschool program. And then so

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I worked in that dynamic and I realized, oh yeah, these kids,

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they don't think they cannot do things. There's an environment

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here that matters. They've been shown that they have opportunity

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to do things differently. They don't fit that traditional mold.

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Fast for my daughter went to private school for a year

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decided it was not for her went to public school, our son

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meanwhile, he was doing well in the public school but not so

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great. And we ended up having opportunity move back to South

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Carolina because we had moved to Missouri for a while, came back

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and taught I started teaching again in a charter school. This

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particular charter school was based on a premise of elite

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athletics, any elite academics, so kids who went there, got dual

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enrollment credit starting as early as their sophomore year of

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high school. And they also got elite training with a ton of

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recruiting if they want to play collegiate sports. There's also

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a third element if you didn't want to be that that was fine

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too. He wanted to be a collegiate athlete and he is to

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this at this day and he earned 45 college credits before he

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even got to college. So I watched that environment. But

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when these kids showed up to the school, they were showing up

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full of anxiety, anger, fear, just believing that they were

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never going to be good enough, if they couldn't get a 4.0 or

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higher amounts, like a six point scale, I don't even know where

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that came from. If they didn't get up there, they were never

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gonna get into college, which meant they're never gonna be

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successful, and they were failures. Well, that's not true.

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I know that you know that. But somehow our culture had

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translated the message of success to one way only, you've

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got to go to college to be successful. And it's not true.

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But they had been molded into that belief. And their parents,

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no judgment on them had been molded into that too. It started

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when I first started teaching, it's been going on. And I

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thought, There's got to change. I'd love teaching, got my

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coaching certification and decided I'm going to change the

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education world, one kid at a time, and help them break that

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mold. But in the meantime, I also got hired to work with

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schools to help them build that culture of success, to make sure

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that all kids can be successful, not just the ones who are going

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off to college, and to promote that idea of success. Because if

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you or your listeners have ever been in a high school, they

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promote signing day for athletes, and they promote the

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college acceptance letter, when kids think about community

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college or trade schools, or any of the military not often as

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celebrated. And that's not okay. We need to make sure they're all

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celebrated. So that's kind of that's why I hope that's enough,

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but not too much. Yeah,

Nellie Harden: 00:11:24

that's no, no, I think that's fascinating. And I

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was taking notes while you're going along, like, especially in

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the beginning with the these generational cycles that we see,

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right, and trying to break these generational molds. So you can

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be unstuck and be free. And the whole bead you have right to be

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the person that you you need to believe it first though, right?

Nellie Harden: 00:11:47

Yeah. Yeah. And so, you know, I even have this tattoo on my

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wrist and the first step right here, it's because it's like my

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life journey. It's my faith journey, even. But believe is

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the very first thing and you need to believe it before you

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can be it. So be do and then you have right, it's not that you're

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already have it or that you are already that kind of person, you

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need to believe that you can be so anyway, I love that journey.

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And all the moves we did a move to we only did have a country

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though you did a whole country. We did have. And we went from

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Indianapolis to North Carolina, back in 2015. So I get the big

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move thing, for sure. But I find it really interesting that,

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especially in this elitist school you were going in I mean,

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you've really swung the pendulum from one side to another, you

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know, yeah. Oh, yeah. Before you were going there, but it gave

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you so much perspective. And what I find fascinating is that

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the kids going into the elite school had the same internal

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dialogue as the kids that were, you know, coming from gangs

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trapped as each other there's nobody was less trapped.

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Yeah,

Nellie Harden: 00:13:00

absolutely. And I find I think that's something

Nellie Harden: 00:13:02

very much keep in mind. And, you know, I came from a background

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of, you know, my mom didn't go to college, but darn it if I

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wasn't going to college, right. But I always wanted to go to

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college. So that wasn't an issue. But did I always want to

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because that was always the path. I don't know, I can't go

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back. And you know, and pick apart that psychology there. But

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I did, and I loved it. And I degrees in biology, psychology,

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and so. And I've been able to use them in so many different

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ways in my life. But when it came to our kids, you know, so

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many people, they're like, Oh, you have kids, you have to set

Nellie Harden: 00:13:39

up a 529. And I was like, I was like, okay, so we did it for

Nellie Harden: 00:13:43

like a year. And then we really started, you know, that was for

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my oldest, she's 16 now and we just started thinking more when

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she was even younger. And we're like, Well, I don't want to

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pigeonhole her into something that who knows she might not

Nellie Harden: 00:13:58

want to do there's plenty of super successful people out

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there. both monetarily successful but also even more

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importantly, emotionally successful, right, and

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fulfillment successful in life work for nonprofits and all of

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these things that I did not go to college. And so I'm like, I

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don't know. So we backed out of that one, and we set up

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different funds for our kids. And I can't tell you how many

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people have been like and I'm not saying something against the

Nellie Harden: 00:14:28

529 you want to do 529 You know, that's great. I'm saying for our

Nellie Harden: 00:14:32

decision for our family for our family. It just was not in the

Nellie Harden: 00:14:36

cards but we got so much flack for that and every time we

Nellie Harden: 00:14:39

brought up why people would just look at a sideways and so I find

Nellie Harden: 00:14:45

that really interesting. So tell me a little bit about that.

Nellie Harden: 00:14:49

Where do you think this comes from this? Must do high school

Nellie Harden: 00:14:53

must do college, you know grad work is is cut and paste but

Nellie Harden: 00:14:57

where? Because my mom didn't go to college. I don't feel like

Nellie Harden: 00:15:00

that was the case in the, you know, 60s 70s by any means. 80s

Nellie Harden: 00:15:05

We were kind of transitioning, but by the time I graduated high

Nellie Harden: 00:15:07

school 96 And it was a pretty set in stone. Yep. You know,

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it was and you're right and say it was a it was, what is

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it when you put a frog in a pot of water, and you slowly turn up

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the heat and never know this being boiled, right? The same is

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happening in education. So when I first graduated high school, I

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graduate high school in 1987, I was not of the majority going

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off to a four year college, I was definitely not in the

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majority actually knowing what I wanted to do. So I had that

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difference. Most of my students, my fellow classmates, went to a

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community college or went right into working with their families

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in their family business, or maybe went to a trade school and

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got some certifications and some things so they could get into an

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industry or it. That was kind of where it is, when I graduated

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college with my teaching certification five years later,

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and stepped back into the high school setting. That was still

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kind of the dynamic. And this was a time when there were no

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standards. There was no aligned curriculum, there was no

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established curriculum, you could walk into one English, one

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classroom and another English one class, and they be

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completely different. Maybe the same books, but not necessarily

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the same essay topics or tests or anything else. And so we were

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doing fine. We had a great time. Along the way, more and more

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parents started saying we want a better life for our kids,

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understandably, now, the 80s and ushered in that whole age of

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glitter and money and car phones, and you know, what is it

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la law and all that kind of stuff that had started? Yes. So

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they wanted their kids to go off to college, because those were

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the ready got those degrees? Well, colleges were saying, Hey,

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wait, these kids aren't coming prepared. They're not coming

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with enough base knowledge that we need them to have to be

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successful here. So they started communicating with school

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districts and state education departments and partnering and

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saying, especially state schools, we need you to do a

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better job in the high schools to make sure that these kids are

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prepared. So what suffered the arts programs, the trades

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programs, you notice, as all started going away, and now you

Unknown: 00:17:13

have these graduation requirements of four years of

Unknown: 00:17:15

English, three plus years of math, four years of social

Unknown: 00:17:19

studies is four years of science, depending, you know,

Unknown: 00:17:21

you have some electives, you get to throw in there, but nothing

Unknown: 00:17:24

strategic, nothing specific about developing towards a

Unknown: 00:17:27

career pathway that has since morphed. And now everybody was

Unknown: 00:17:31

like, well, we're going this is a school that goes to college

Unknown: 00:17:34

now in school report cards. Well, what was that report card

Unknown: 00:17:37

based on? How many kids went to college? How high were their AC

Unknown: 00:17:40

T scores, how high were there SAP scores that indicated

Unknown: 00:17:44

property values, which indicated taxes that go into the school

Unknown: 00:17:46

system, right. So the system changed and what was valued and

Unknown: 00:17:50

what was important, and as that became much more widespread? Now

Unknown: 00:17:56

we add in, you know, at the time I first started teaching, there

Unknown: 00:17:58

was no Internet, none, there was no way to let anybody else know

Unknown: 00:18:02

what you were doing. Five years, and then there was internet, and

Unknown: 00:18:05

we got to all of a sudden, they expanded to the entire country,

Unknown: 00:18:08

what was going on in education. Now we all got connected in all

Unknown: 00:18:11

kinds of ways. And then you start standards. And now you

Unknown: 00:18:14

have standardized testing, because we were failing as you

Unknown: 00:18:16

know, country, and it's all ugly, when you look at it in

Unknown: 00:18:19

that perspective. So it's been a slow rise of college as the only

Unknown: 00:18:24

way. And it's gotten to the point and you indicated that

Unknown: 00:18:26

mold even that the people that your world are living in that

Unknown: 00:18:31

you have to save money for college as a parent, yes, you

Unknown: 00:18:33

have to do that 529, or you're not doing a good job, as a

Unknown: 00:18:36

parent, you're somehow, you know, putting your child at a

Unknown: 00:18:39

disadvantage. And that means you're expected to get them into

Unknown: 00:18:43

a high school and get them get good grades, and then they get

Unknown: 00:18:45

on to a good college, which is going to give them a good job,

Unknown: 00:18:47

which is going to give them a good life. The problem is,

Unknown: 00:18:50

nobody ever defines that, just as assumption, and the

Unknown: 00:18:54

millennial generation proved us wrong. They said, Wait, you told

Unknown: 00:18:59

us to go to college, you told us to take on hundreds of 1000s of

Unknown: 00:19:02

debts, because you told us you were going to have a good job

Unknown: 00:19:05

that was going to pay off his debt, and we were going to be

Unknown: 00:19:07

okay. And that didn't happen. 2008 You know, we have all kinds

Unknown: 00:19:11

of problems. So we're becoming more aware. But the system of

Unknown: 00:19:15

course, is slow to change education when the slowest

Unknown: 00:19:18

systems in the world to change. And so it's gradually deciding

Unknown: 00:19:23

whether or not it wants to move that way. And that's where I'm

Unknown: 00:19:26

coming in. As for other people like me come in who are trying

Unknown: 00:19:29

to help schools recognize it can be different, and we have to

Unknown: 00:19:32

help parents recognize it can be different. And we have to help

Unknown: 00:19:35

kids realize you can be successful in a variety of ways,

Unknown: 00:19:38

but we have to retrain the way they think.

Nellie Harden: 00:19:41

Right? I I find it so interesting. So my oldest

Nellie Harden: 00:19:45

is very, is very, very academically inclined. She just

Nellie Harden: 00:19:51

always has been. And it's really easy and it was really easy to

Nellie Harden: 00:19:56

be like oh, she's very academically inclined. She's

Nellie Harden: 00:19:59

doing very well in school, she could do you know, ABCD there

Nellie Harden: 00:20:02

for she is a well rounded great kid and doing super well. Right.

Nellie Harden: 00:20:08

And, you know, the the gears started turning a while ago, and

Nellie Harden: 00:20:14

she is, you know, a great kid and everything, but I just had

Nellie Harden: 00:20:18

an emotional intelligence expert on here a few episodes ago, and

Nellie Harden: 00:20:23

talking about how you know, when that academic is really high, a

Nellie Harden: 00:20:27

lot of times the emotional intelligence is low, the

Nellie Harden: 00:20:30

interpersonal might be somewhere in between, and things and I was

Nellie Harden: 00:20:33

like, Oh, that is so true. And it's definitely, you know, what

Nellie Harden: 00:20:36

we've seen, and it really does come down to why did getting an

Nellie Harden: 00:20:41

A become the be all end all and define who you are as a person.

Nellie Harden: 00:20:46

And I experienced that myself. I am not like my child. And I was

Nellie Harden: 00:20:50

not super academically gifted. I was definitely I mean, I wasn't

Nellie Harden: 00:20:55

terrible. I was an a B student. I don't know if my daughter has

Nellie Harden: 00:20:58

ever gotten a B in her life, you know. But I was an a B student.

Nellie Harden: 00:21:03

But my friends, I went to a high school that kind of sounds like

Nellie Harden: 00:21:06

the one that you were talking about a little bit. It was there

Nellie Harden: 00:21:09

was a lot of elite families in this high school. I was not one

Nellie Harden: 00:21:14

of them. I lived kind of across the street, but that's fine. I

Nellie Harden: 00:21:17

still was in the I was zoned for this school. I was like, What am

Nellie Harden: 00:21:20

I doing here? You know, we didn't have a downtown, we had

Nellie Harden: 00:21:23

an uptown where I went to high school. And so anyway, and my

Nellie Harden: 00:21:28

husband just laughs about that I'll beat my husband and I have

Nellie Harden: 00:21:30

been together since we were 18. And so, you know, we would I

Nellie Harden: 00:21:34

would take him to my hometown. He's like, what is happening?

Nellie Harden: 00:21:37

Why is there kids? And Lamborghinis I'm like, I don't

Nellie Harden: 00:21:39

know, I have my 1980 Cutlass, you know, going along?

Unknown: 00:21:43

Yeah.

Nellie Harden: 00:21:45

But I faced that because I have so many friends

Nellie Harden: 00:21:49

that went off to these amazing schools on amazing scholarships

Nellie Harden: 00:21:53

and everything. And I went to a great school, but I definitely

Nellie Harden: 00:21:56

didn't get any scholarships there. And so I defined myself

Nellie Harden: 00:22:01

as I am not smart, right? I am not smart I, because I don't get

Nellie Harden: 00:22:07

these grades. I don't have this interest in my academic life,

Nellie Harden: 00:22:10

therefore, I am less than, and it really did carve a path for

Nellie Harden: 00:22:15

me in some ways, until I was able to become much smarter in

Nellie Harden: 00:22:19

my 30s and 40s. And see that that wasn't the case. But that

Nellie Harden: 00:22:24

took a long time. And I never wanted to, you know, do that

Nellie Harden: 00:22:27

with with my own kids. So. So we know kind of what happened. So

Nellie Harden: 00:22:32

what are some when you go into these schools and talk to these

Nellie Harden: 00:22:35

families? What are some of these options that you are telling

Nellie Harden: 00:22:40

them? Right? It's school, isn't there? I mean, not school,

Nellie Harden: 00:22:43

college is an option, right? Yes. Yeah. But there's other

Nellie Harden: 00:22:47

ones too. So can you run through some of those?

Unknown: 00:22:50

Yeah, I actually help them focus on career pathways.

Unknown: 00:22:54

Let's talk about careers. And that's usually the premise that

Unknown: 00:22:56

I have them focus on with their kids. It's not about what option

Unknown: 00:22:59

you got to do not what college whatever is what career What do

Unknown: 00:23:01

you want to spend your time doing in your 30s? Or whatever,

Unknown: 00:23:04

right? But once we come back that we look at see, how do you

Unknown: 00:23:08

get trained to be in that career. And there's a variety of

Unknown: 00:23:12

ways, there's actually, depending on the career, six

Unknown: 00:23:15

options that you can, you can involve yourself in after high

Unknown: 00:23:19

school combinations of them are key, so that can become a lot.

Unknown: 00:23:22

The call the traditional four year college is absolutely one

Unknown: 00:23:25

of those options. It's now actually not four years, the

Unknown: 00:23:29

average length of time in a college setting is five and a

Unknown: 00:23:31

half, because most students go and they don't really know what

Unknown: 00:23:34

they're doing. And they change their major multiple times. And

Unknown: 00:23:38

it gets colleges more money so they can get to take more

Unknown: 00:23:40

classes. Psych part of that is the collegiate athlete. A lot of

Unknown: 00:23:45

people find a lot of prestige and getting the D one school

Unknown: 00:23:49

scholarship if they think their kids are that great in the

Unknown: 00:23:52

sport, and they get that scholarship or they get that

Unknown: 00:23:54

offer and so on. So that's actually a side issue, because

Unknown: 00:23:57

that requires its own preparation in order to become a

Unknown: 00:24:01

collegiate athlete. And it's a whole different dynamic when it

Unknown: 00:24:03

comes to school. The level of school indicates the kind of

Unknown: 00:24:06

education that is focused on and all kinds of things. So that's

Unknown: 00:24:09

its own option. Then you have the traditional options that

Unknown: 00:24:14

were very much important and valued before everybody placed

Unknown: 00:24:17

emphasis on the four year college. The first one being a

Unknown: 00:24:20

local community college, right. Most people overlook the

Unknown: 00:24:24

community college one because they don't think it gives their

Unknown: 00:24:27

child a chance to get that college experience. In my

Unknown: 00:24:30

personal opinion, why that freshman sophomore college

Unknown: 00:24:34

experience is so important. I'm not quite sure because as a

Unknown: 00:24:37

college student, as a parent of a college student, and as a

Unknown: 00:24:39

person who's on college campuses, it's not really about

Unknown: 00:24:42

education, it's about all kinds of things, right? And you're

Unknown: 00:24:44

paying for it. So, but most parents overlook it because of

Unknown: 00:24:48

that. And there's a stigma if you go to community college

Unknown: 00:24:51

because you weren't smart enough to get into four year college,

Unknown: 00:24:53

which is not true. Community colleges today offer a ton of

Unknown: 00:24:57

resources from apprenticeship programs to certified Keishon

Unknown: 00:25:00

programs to associate's degrees, and associate's degrees that

Unknown: 00:25:04

transfer. And so all of that is something you can find on any

Unknown: 00:25:08

community college campus. And that can do a variety of things

Unknown: 00:25:11

that for students, you can stay home, save money, get your

Unknown: 00:25:15

general education requirements out of the way, and transfer to

Unknown: 00:25:18

a four year college and you will have saved depending on where

Unknown: 00:25:21

you are anywhere from 1000s to, you know, 500, that depends. A

Unknown: 00:25:26

lot of community colleges are offering their classes for free.

Unknown: 00:25:29

So you're not paying for those general education courses, that

Unknown: 00:25:32

at a regular four year university, you're paying

Unknown: 00:25:34

anywhere between 16 and 25 $45,000. In that year for

Unknown: 00:25:38

right, so there's a big difference, and you're not

Unknown: 00:25:40

paying living expenses. But you're also looking at

Unknown: 00:25:42

particular certifications. So you can get trained in any

Unknown: 00:25:45

number of industries. You get trained in cosmetology,

Unknown: 00:25:48

hospitality, culinary, you can work as a chef you can work as a

Unknown: 00:25:52

baker, all kinds of careers can be housed in a to me 18 to 24

Unknown: 00:25:57

month certification program, which often has an associate's

Unknown: 00:26:01

degree attached to it. Parents often balk because like, well,

Unknown: 00:26:05

it's only skills training, they need some college. Not quite

Unknown: 00:26:08

sure why. But it's okay. Go get your A with it, it's fine. You

Unknown: 00:26:11

get business you can I mean, there's a ton if you haven't

Unknown: 00:26:13

looked at what the offerings are of your local community college,

Unknown: 00:26:16

you're missing out. So there's one option. The next option are

Unknown: 00:26:20

the trade schools and apprenticeship programs that are

Unknown: 00:26:23

local to your areas. The trades, as we've now seen, are in a huge

Unknown: 00:26:28

demand, huge, all of us locked down on COVID wanted everything

Unknown: 00:26:32

to be done to our house. And there were no people to do it.

Unknown: 00:26:35

There's not enough. Yeah, right. Learning how to build things,

Unknown: 00:26:38

fix things, create things, all of those hands on learning that

Unknown: 00:26:41

what a trade school can do, in addition to things like

Unknown: 00:26:44

cybersecurity, you can learn all kinds of about it and taking

Unknown: 00:26:48

care of computers and building computer systems. I mean,

Unknown: 00:26:51

there's endless opportunities for people who go into trade

Unknown: 00:26:53

jobs, or trade careers, right. So trade schools provide that

Unknown: 00:26:57

the benefit of trade schools is one, they're usually less

Unknown: 00:26:59

expensive than a four year college, definitely. But also

Unknown: 00:27:03

you're being taught by industry experts, people who are actually

Unknown: 00:27:06

working in the industry still versus edit, sometimes at a

Unknown: 00:27:10

community college, but also the four year college. These are

Unknown: 00:27:13

teachers who are teaching about the subject. They may have been

Unknown: 00:27:16

in industry at some point, but then probably not currently in

Unknown: 00:27:19

it. Right. So you're getting real hands on mentorship and

Unknown: 00:27:22

experience. And trade schools are set up to want to guarantee

Unknown: 00:27:25

you employment, their popularity, their success is

Unknown: 00:27:29

based on the success of their graduates. Whereas a four year

Unknown: 00:27:32

college relies on the fact that as a career center here, we'll

Unknown: 00:27:35

help you try and get a job if you come to us. trade schools

Unknown: 00:27:38

are focused on we're going to help you get it career by the

Unknown: 00:27:40

time you graduate. How can we help you? What do you need? It's

Unknown: 00:27:43

a very different dynamic. An apprenticeship program is

Unknown: 00:27:46

actually paid work experience with college degrees or college

Unknown: 00:27:51

credit added to it. And it depends on your area, whether or

Unknown: 00:27:54

not they're they're offered. Traditionally, a across the

Unknown: 00:27:58

Atlantic. Dynamic apprenticeships are huge in

Unknown: 00:28:02

Europe. Huge, right? They're starting to become more popular

Unknown: 00:28:06

here. In South Carolina, where we live. We're the nation's

Unknown: 00:28:09

leading apprenticeship program. And we partner with all these

Unknown: 00:28:12

big industries, who came to us from Europe, we have Volvo, we

Unknown: 00:28:17

have Blackbaud, we have an O Boeing, you have all these

Unknown: 00:28:20

things here. Well, they came they went, we need apprentices.

Unknown: 00:28:23

We didn't have any, so they built programs. And so you can

Unknown: 00:28:26

go as an adult work for two years, they pay you a scalable

Unknown: 00:28:30

wage during those two years, you have a mentor who's working with

Unknown: 00:28:33

you training with you, you also take college classes at the same

Unknown: 00:28:37

time. So by the time you're done, you're self sufficient,

Unknown: 00:28:39

plus two years of experience, and industry networking. What's

Unknown: 00:28:44

not to like about that, in my estimation, right? Yeah, some

Unknown: 00:28:47

you can also do some of these programs as a high school

Unknown: 00:28:50

student. And there is some definite determination about

Unknown: 00:28:55

these because you have to finish your high school classes and do

Unknown: 00:28:58

some of the college classes and you're working. So it's for a

Unknown: 00:29:01

definite unique person who is really driven because there's a

Unknown: 00:29:04

lot of work into that. But the industry areas vary by location.

Unknown: 00:29:09

And so if your child's interested, I think here we have

Unknown: 00:29:11

a huge hospitality one because Charleston is you know, huge in

Unknown: 00:29:14

hospitality. And we have a lot of air airplane mechanics and

Unknown: 00:29:18

mechatronics and all kinds of things. So that's the second

Unknown: 00:29:20

one. The third one is a gap year. And everybody when I talk

Unknown: 00:29:24

to gap year, they freak out. No, my kid can't sit on the couch

Unknown: 00:29:27

playing video games and working minimum wage for a year. That's

Unknown: 00:29:30

nothing. Okay. gap years are very different than that.

Unknown: 00:29:34

There's actually a gap year Association. It's an accredited

Unknown: 00:29:37

program that goes out and looks at all the programs that are out

Unknown: 00:29:40

there and offers its certification so you know,

Unknown: 00:29:43

you're getting something valuable. Plus, they offer

Unknown: 00:29:46

financial aid through the FAFSA. So you're not just doing some

Unknown: 00:29:50

willy nilly trip here. But what they do is they offer several

Unknown: 00:29:54

things to students. One can be a mental break from the burnout

Unknown: 00:29:57

they've probably achieved trying to get into that Great college,

Unknown: 00:30:01

if they still want to go to college, they always recommend

Unknown: 00:30:03

deferring it for six months to a year. And then taking your gap

Unknown: 00:30:07

season before you start college. There's no reason not to at that

Unknown: 00:30:11

point, especially for gaining experience, it's going to help

Unknown: 00:30:13

you for your career, or just help you in personal

Unknown: 00:30:15

development, right. The second type is doing a missions trip,

Unknown: 00:30:19

right? If you're based in your faith, and you want to go and

Unknown: 00:30:22

serve in your faith, then go do a missions trip. This can be

Unknown: 00:30:25

done while you're in high school, before you go to

Unknown: 00:30:28

college, in between semesters, it can be done at any point,

Unknown: 00:30:31

right? There are fees associated with them. They're not for free,

Unknown: 00:30:34

for sure. But the experience you get is invaluable. And it does

Unknown: 00:30:38

come to a certain kind of good. Is your kid ready to go off on

Unknown: 00:30:42

to the world not knowing anybody, right and being part of

Unknown: 00:30:45

a group and learning on their own? Is that something they can

Unknown: 00:30:47

handle? So you've got to take a look at that to the community

Unknown: 00:30:50

colleges out? Next one is the military often overlooked. And I

Unknown: 00:30:55

can I just tell you, when I was doing research for the book I

Unknown: 00:30:58

wrote about all of this, the military impressed me the most.

Unknown: 00:31:02

Yes, there are their political stuff. And I'm not going to

Unknown: 00:31:06

touch that, when I'm talking to you is about the opportunities a

Unknown: 00:31:09

student has in the military. And there's three ways to do the

Unknown: 00:31:13

military, you can enlist, you can go through an ROTC program.

Unknown: 00:31:16

Or you can go through a service academy, enlistment usually

Unknown: 00:31:19

comes right after high school. ROTC programs usually come after

Unknown: 00:31:24

college, and a service academy. You have to be accepted into it,

Unknown: 00:31:28

your education is free at that service academy with the caveat

Unknown: 00:31:32

that you're paying it back with your service to your country in

Unknown: 00:31:35

the military afterwards. Right? So there's all of these

Unknown: 00:31:38

dynamics, the difference between the military and any other

Unknown: 00:31:42

option is that the minute you enter, you are getting state of

Unknown: 00:31:46

the art training, because the government has to have the state

Unknown: 00:31:48

of the art training to protect our country, right. You're also

Unknown: 00:31:51

getting paid and getting housing stipends and getting food

Unknown: 00:31:55

stipends and getting full benefits. From the minute you

Unknown: 00:31:58

are in. No other option offers all of that to any student

Unknown: 00:32:04

right. Now I get it your mama hardest thing, but they might

Unknown: 00:32:07

die in the front line. Yes, that is true. There are two things I

Unknown: 00:32:11

have a response to that in my research indicates that in you

Unknown: 00:32:15

when you choose to enlist in the military, or go to service

Unknown: 00:32:18

academy or so on, you get to choose your career field. Not

Unknown: 00:32:22

all career fields are combat based. You don't have to be in

Unknown: 00:32:25

combat. So there's not a guarantee that the military puts

Unknown: 00:32:28

you on the frontlines. Second, should you choose that if that's

Unknown: 00:32:32

your child's heart, that's where they really want to go and serve

Unknown: 00:32:35

their country should something happen, their family is taken

Unknown: 00:32:40

care of. For life. That doesn't happen in any other option. So

Unknown: 00:32:45

those are some things I don't ever want anybody to think that

Unknown: 00:32:48

they have to do this so they can get anything. I'm just saying

Unknown: 00:32:50

this is one of the benefits, but it can also be a drawback.

Unknown: 00:32:54

When I interviewed a captain in the US Navy, she's in the she

Unknown: 00:32:57

served on an Air Force aircraft carrier, she said, think about

Unknown: 00:33:01

an aircraft carrier. It is a microcosm of a city. Anything

Unknown: 00:33:07

that you can think of that exists in the civilian world

Unknown: 00:33:10

exists on an aircraft carrier. There are chefs, there are

Unknown: 00:33:14

barbers there are veterinarians for the dogs they might have on

Unknown: 00:33:18

hand. There are mechanics, there are it there are cybersecurity,

Unknown: 00:33:23

everything you can think of is on that aircraft carrier. The

Unknown: 00:33:26

same is true for any military branch. Any career you can think

Unknown: 00:33:29

of is in the military. And someone who gets into the

Unknown: 00:33:33

military gets that training and then graduates from it or you

Unknown: 00:33:36

know, does not renew their contract, they end up getting

Unknown: 00:33:41

what's called the GI Bill. So when you're in the in the

Unknown: 00:33:44

military, you can get up to one year of college paid for and

Unknown: 00:33:48

that's basically all the time for every four year contract.

Unknown: 00:33:51

After that you get up to three years of college paid for and a

Unknown: 00:33:54

housing, housing stipend to pay for housing while you're going

Unknown: 00:33:57

to college. There's no other option that gives you that

Unknown: 00:34:00

either. So there's there's a whole host of benefits to this.

Unknown: 00:34:05

But it also depends if you go to a service academy. So if you go

Unknown: 00:34:08

to college first, you enter in as an officer versus after high

Unknown: 00:34:12

school, you enter in as an enlistee, and that just causes

Unknown: 00:34:14

different ranks. And that causes different trainings and a whole

Unknown: 00:34:17

bunch of other things. I tell parents, if your student is at

Unknown: 00:34:20

all interested, go talk to a veteran, get the full honest

Unknown: 00:34:24

story. Let your kid talk to veteran privately Do not be in

Unknown: 00:34:28

that room. They got to get it honest from themselves, then

Unknown: 00:34:31

made it recruiter with bunch of questions and don't sign

Unknown: 00:34:33

anything that day. Because the one thing that is a definite

Unknown: 00:34:37

difference is once you sign a contract with the military, it's

Unknown: 00:34:40

a contract you cannot decommit so it has to be a very solid

Unknown: 00:34:45

definition of the decision that you're making.

Nellie Harden: 00:34:48

Wow. Oh my goodness. Okay, well, I know

Nellie Harden: 00:34:52

that everyone listening took a bajillion notes like I did and

Nellie Harden: 00:34:56

like I said, I have this coming up like word It we're going

Nellie Harden: 00:35:01

she's at the end of her junior year. And I was like, Well, I

Nellie Harden: 00:35:03

guess we have to start doing, you know, college visits and

Nellie Harden: 00:35:07

things like that. And she personally wants to go into

Nellie Harden: 00:35:10

psychology herself. And so yeah, but it's just interesting to

Nellie Harden: 00:35:15

hear all of these different things. A gap year is definitely

Nellie Harden: 00:35:18

not off the table, though. We've talked a lot about that she has

Nellie Harden: 00:35:21

a travel bug in her like her parents do. And so, yeah,

Nellie Harden: 00:35:25

whether that's, you know, studying somewhere or doing

Nellie Harden: 00:35:29

missions work, I don't know. But wow, thank you for so much for

Nellie Harden: 00:35:34

laying this all out. And you've given I have lunch with my

Nellie Harden: 00:35:40

husband soon. And so I'm going to just bring my pad of paper

Nellie Harden: 00:35:42

and be like, so we have all of this to talk about,

Unknown: 00:35:46

can I can I give you kind of give you a little bit of

Unknown: 00:35:49

a direction on that conversation that you've had with your

Unknown: 00:35:51

daughter, and this is for all parents, we often take a look at

Unknown: 00:35:56

what do you want to do? And they say, Why do I want to do

Unknown: 00:35:57

something with psychology, which is fantastic. But rarely do we

Unknown: 00:36:01

have them explored the actual different careers within that

Unknown: 00:36:04

industry area, to define specifically, what they want to

Unknown: 00:36:08

do something that they think associated with psychology

Unknown: 00:36:12

actually fall under sociology. And so we want to make sure that

Unknown: 00:36:15

they really understand the dynamics of the potential

Unknown: 00:36:18

careers, if she wants for, for example, to work in a clinical

Unknown: 00:36:22

setting and be able to dispense medications. That's a whole

Unknown: 00:36:25

doctorate program, right? Completely different. And that

Unknown: 00:36:28

sets you up for a whole different dynamic in terms of

Unknown: 00:36:31

financing college and all kinds of things, right. But if that

Unknown: 00:36:34

what she wants to be is a clinical therapist, or, you

Unknown: 00:36:37

know, someone who a counselor and a counseling setting, that

Unknown: 00:36:40

can be done in very different ways, right. So that can really

Unknown: 00:36:44

help the conversation. And this is what I counsel parents on all

Unknown: 00:36:46

the time, help your child define the career or careers within the

Unknown: 00:36:52

industry area they're interested in, and then look at see how do

Unknown: 00:36:56

you get into those careers? What does it take to get there? And

Unknown: 00:36:58

that tends to help you see what you need to do. Right then?

Nellie Harden: 00:37:01

Yeah, absolutely. And for her, we have done that

Nellie Harden: 00:37:04

work. And that, so she wants to work with kids. And she wants to

Nellie Harden: 00:37:09

be in do therapist in a clinical setting with kids. And so

Nellie Harden: 00:37:14

there's definitely different paths you could get there as so

Nellie Harden: 00:37:18

many. But the common theme seems to be like, get a psych psych

Nellie Harden: 00:37:22

degree from a four year or sociology, but it's usually

Nellie Harden: 00:37:26

Psych. And so, but yeah, and she's doing dual enrollment. We

Nellie Harden: 00:37:31

talked a little bit about this before we started recording, and

Nellie Harden: 00:37:34

she's doing dual enrollment. So she'll go in probably as a

Nellie Harden: 00:37:37

second semester sophomore, into college, which is good that she

Nellie Harden: 00:37:41

knows what she wants to do. Because by that point, you're

Nellie Harden: 00:37:44

like, you need to lock in and start, you know, getting the

Nellie Harden: 00:37:47

gears going. Yeah, but we'll see. She's also 16 You know, and

Nellie Harden: 00:37:52

I am not, I am not going to be you know, she wanted to be a

Nellie Harden: 00:37:55

teacher for a really, really long time. And, and then, you

Nellie Harden: 00:38:00

know, it kind of moved into this over the last few years. And I'm

Nellie Harden: 00:38:03

not going to say, well, you're 16, you made your decision. And

Nellie Harden: 00:38:06

this is what you're doing until you're 65 You know, so yeah,

Nellie Harden: 00:38:10

we'll just see where life takes us. But knowing all the options

Nellie Harden: 00:38:13

is so important. And knowing it's not about the education,

Nellie Harden: 00:38:16

it's about the kid, it's about the person, it's about their

Nellie Harden: 00:38:19

life, right, their confidence and respect in themselves in

Nellie Harden: 00:38:23

understanding and being wise out in the world. That interpersonal

Nellie Harden: 00:38:27

emotional intelligence, like we talked about interpersonal

Nellie Harden: 00:38:30

relationships, so they know how to connect with people. And and

Nellie Harden: 00:38:35

move through life and become, you know, the the self driven

Nellie Harden: 00:38:39

leader so that they can be in whatever capacity that looks

Nellie Harden: 00:38:41

like, right? Oh, my goodness, this was so good. Okay, well,

Nellie Harden: 00:38:46

before we I know, we are running a little bit late. But this is

Nellie Harden: 00:38:49

such great material. And I want to touch on just for a second,

Nellie Harden: 00:38:54

this idea of parental burnout, because I think so many

Nellie Harden: 00:38:59

especially I work with a lot of teens and tweens, we were

Nellie Harden: 00:39:03

talking about all the different labels those groups have. But

Nellie Harden: 00:39:07

anyway, pretty much like 10 and up I work with, I work with

Nellie Harden: 00:39:10

everybody. But that's the bulk because that is where a lot of

Nellie Harden: 00:39:14

parents are paying a little bit more attention. They're noticing

Nellie Harden: 00:39:17

some things that they aren't, you know, so keen on maybe

Nellie Harden: 00:39:21

there's some separation, some space there, and all of these

Nellie Harden: 00:39:26

things happening. But with that there's a lot of parental

Nellie Harden: 00:39:30

burnout that happens there too, right? There's a lot of opinions

Nellie Harden: 00:39:33

when kids get into middle and high school and it can feel like

Nellie Harden: 00:39:37

everything that you say, especially when you're talking

Nellie Harden: 00:39:40

about education or talking about their school. They they see it

Nellie Harden: 00:39:44

your child can see it as you're coming at them and you're always

Nellie Harden: 00:39:47

in warm mode, right and reprimand mode, and that's not

Nellie Harden: 00:39:51

necessarily where your heart is, but it's their truth that

Nellie Harden: 00:39:54

they're seeing So, and that can really lead to burnout. So can

Nellie Harden: 00:39:57

you tell tell me a little bit more About the parental burnout

Nellie Harden: 00:40:02

and what that looks like and what you see.

Unknown: 00:40:05

Yeah, absolutely. You know, parental burnout is a real

Unknown: 00:40:09

thing. It's it's heaviness that we have towards our

Unknown: 00:40:12

responsibilities. As a parent, it's the easy one to just

Unknown: 00:40:15

abdicate those responsibilities. Because we don't want to fight

Unknown: 00:40:17

with our kids anymore. We don't want that angst. We want to love

Unknown: 00:40:20

our little babies that we used to have these to look up to us

Unknown: 00:40:23

all the time. And now they're not anymore what happened? And I

Unknown: 00:40:25

don't even know, right. So this is what I've noticed. And again,

Unknown: 00:40:29

I'm a parent of a 20 year old, a 24 year old, my daughter is a

Unknown: 00:40:33

strong willed child, if you've ever heard of Dr. Dobson, strong

Unknown: 00:40:36

willed, she could be the cover of that time, that book, I mean,

Unknown: 00:40:39

my goodness. And she ran me ragged, because I was trying to

Unknown: 00:40:43

control what she did. Because I was afraid as a parent that what

Unknown: 00:40:46

she did was reflection on me, it's apparent, very much afraid

Unknown: 00:40:50

of that. And I think a lot of us, first and foremost struggle

Unknown: 00:40:53

with that we believe that what our children do is reflection on

Unknown: 00:40:55

us as a parent. And it's not, it's just not your children are

Unknown: 00:40:59

individuals, they were created uniquely for themselves. And

Unknown: 00:41:02

what they are is a reflection of themselves, not you. So I think

Unknown: 00:41:05

that's the first part that I actually do talk with parents

Unknown: 00:41:07

about is how much are you owning your child's life as

Unknown: 00:41:11

representative of who you are as a parent? And that's a big

Unknown: 00:41:14

question a lot of parents don't stop to think about, I can

Unknown: 00:41:17

definitely honestly tell you that my daughter, I owned what

Unknown: 00:41:20

she did as my value. If she was behaving well, in class, I was a

Unknown: 00:41:24

good parent, she was acting out in class, man, I had to fix it

Unknown: 00:41:26

at home because I was messing up. It's not safe. It's not a

Unknown: 00:41:30

good environment for your children or for us. And that

Unknown: 00:41:32

definitely contributed to a lot of burnout as I became a coach,

Unknown: 00:41:37

and I'm going to tell this short story, and then we'll move on to

Unknown: 00:41:39

how the burnout was affected. I had to do some practicing. And

Unknown: 00:41:43

my daughter happened to call me one night, she was in college at

Unknown: 00:41:45

the time. And she said, Mom, I got this problem. Like I said,

Unknown: 00:41:49

Wait, I'm in this coaching program, can I just try coaching

Unknown: 00:41:51

you through this? Do you mind and she said, Okay, she had no

Unknown: 00:41:55

idea what's doing.

Unknown: 00:41:57

At the end of that conversation, we spent 45. On the phone, I

Unknown: 00:42:01

didn't offer a single shred of advice. I only asked her

Unknown: 00:42:04

questions. And she said, Mom, this is the best conversation

Unknown: 00:42:07

you and I've ever had. I feel like you finally saw who I am.

Unknown: 00:42:11

And now I know exactly what I want to do. And you help me

Unknown: 00:42:14

figure that out. You can't get a better connection with your kids

Unknown: 00:42:19

than that. And so the more I work with teenagers, I say the

Unknown: 00:42:22

exact same things in a way that all parents do. I just get the

Unknown: 00:42:26

kids to say it, not me. Yeah. So when you're talking with your

Unknown: 00:42:30

kids, the problem is we tend to talk at them, we tend to tell

Unknown: 00:42:34

them, we tend to offer our advice, all with an amazing

Unknown: 00:42:38

heart. But we own all the research, we want to learn

Unknown: 00:42:41

everything about all these things, we can be intelligent

Unknown: 00:42:43

enough to tell them all about it. And we want to make sure

Unknown: 00:42:45

they're getting their grades done in class, and we're

Unknown: 00:42:47

communicating with teachers, and we're taking on all of these

Unknown: 00:42:49

responsibilities, because we're afraid our children won't be

Unknown: 00:42:53

able to do it. Well, what message does that send to your

Unknown: 00:42:56

child? tells them they're not capable. So why would they try?

Unknown: 00:43:00

Right? So as your child ages, what I tell parents to do is

Unknown: 00:43:03

start backing away from owning anything within their world. And

Unknown: 00:43:09

when they come to you with a problem, I don't know what to do

Unknown: 00:43:11

my friends are upset with me. What would you like to do about

Unknown: 00:43:14

that? How do you want to handle that? What do you think is the

Unknown: 00:43:18

cause of that, don't tell them what you should do, don't take

Unknown: 00:43:21

on the ownership of their emotional drama, let them own

Unknown: 00:43:24

it, and then walk away. They have to figure out their

Unknown: 00:43:28

futures, you can offer I'm here, when you want to talk about your

Unknown: 00:43:32

future, just know that your dad and I or your mom and I or

Unknown: 00:43:35

whatever, we decided that by the time you're 18, if you're not

Unknown: 00:43:39

taking care of you're not in it in some kind of education

Unknown: 00:43:42

program, you're going to be paying full rent here. So just

Unknown: 00:43:46

so you know, we're here to help you figure it all out. But this

Unknown: 00:43:48

is the boundary we're setting. And we never set those

Unknown: 00:43:51

boundaries, expectations, we don't take the time to think

Unknown: 00:43:54

about it, because we're too busy fixing our kids problems.

Unknown: 00:43:57

Instead of thinking about the kind of adult we want to raise.

Unknown: 00:44:00

We want to raise resilient children, we want to raise

Unknown: 00:44:02

problem solvers and critical thinkers, but we don't allow

Unknown: 00:44:05

them to solve the problems in their own way or to critically

Unknown: 00:44:08

think about what they want to do. This is why we have burnout.

Unknown: 00:44:12

We are overwhelmed trying to fix our work problems, our marriage

Unknown: 00:44:16

problems, our kids problems, our friends, problems and everything

Unknown: 00:44:20

else. Because this is what we are supposed to do. Which is not

Unknown: 00:44:23

true. The more we ask our children to own their own world,

Unknown: 00:44:28

and don't engage in the battles when they fight against it, the

Unknown: 00:44:32

better off we're helping them. It's tough. It's not an easy

Unknown: 00:44:36

transition at all. But can I tell you, my daughter and him

Unknown: 00:44:41

back to her she has a ton of struggles when she was in

Unknown: 00:44:44

college and we had told her she should come home and she didn't

Unknown: 00:44:46

want to she wanted to finish it out. strong will. And so she did

Unknown: 00:44:50

and every time she called the cringe because of me some new

Unknown: 00:44:53

drama, but when I started coaching, I was like, Well, what

Unknown: 00:44:56

opportunity was she going to figure out for herself today?

Unknown: 00:44:58

How is she going to figure this out for herself. Let's see what

Unknown: 00:45:01

happens a whole different dynamic, right? So this is kind

Unknown: 00:45:05

of what I hope parents learn to do is instead of increasing the

Unknown: 00:45:09

mold around them by keeping them in it, we let go the entire mold

Unknown: 00:45:14

itself and let our children create it for themselves. And we

Unknown: 00:45:17

get to guide them along that journey.

Nellie Harden: 00:45:19

Oh my gosh, yes, this is exactly. I was just

Nellie Harden: 00:45:23

talking with someone the other day and doing some coaching. And

Nellie Harden: 00:45:25

this is exactly what I was talking about, like we, we are

Nellie Harden: 00:45:28

leading them, and we are helping them. And we are doing exactly

Nellie Harden: 00:45:33

what you said, we are just asking them the questions and

Nellie Harden: 00:45:35

helping them figure it out, giving them the tools to figure

Nellie Harden: 00:45:39

it out, right? Oh, my goodness, well, this was truly amazing. I

Nellie Harden: 00:45:45

hope that everyone listening has been able to crack the mold, if

Nellie Harden: 00:45:49

not break the mold in your understanding and in your

Nellie Harden: 00:45:52

thinking about what is going on in these teens, and especially

Nellie Harden: 00:45:57

in their path toward their future. And what that's going to

Nellie Harden: 00:46:01

do so tell us, tell us where we can find you and get more

Nellie Harden: 00:46:05

information?

Unknown: 00:46:07

Yeah, the best place is Stephanie haynes.net. And that's

Unknown: 00:46:10

my website. And there's a specific page dedicated just to

Unknown: 00:46:13

parents, and I put on free resources on there. You know,

Unknown: 00:46:17

when you sign up for those, I send emails each week just kind

Unknown: 00:46:19

of encourage you equip you give you stuff, right, because I give

Unknown: 00:46:22

a ton of stuff away. The second place, if you're on Instagram,

Unknown: 00:46:25

go to Ed coach, Steph Haynes, and you can follow me on there

Unknown: 00:46:29

and see what I've got in terms of advice and suggestions and

Unknown: 00:46:31

just strategies. The third place, and the newest place I'm

Unknown: 00:46:34

most excited about is on YouTube. I just launched a new

Unknown: 00:46:37

YouTube channel that is talking to parents and educators. So

Unknown: 00:46:41

from no both sides of that experience I'm talking into how

Unknown: 00:46:44

can we best equip teens. And it's not named yet because I

Unknown: 00:46:47

need 100 subscribers. So I'm offering a contest if you want

Unknown: 00:46:50

to do it, but go to Stephanie Haynes LLC on YouTube, and you

Unknown: 00:46:54

will be able to find my channel there. And there's just a ton of

Unknown: 00:46:57

free content. And I feel like it's important to just equip

Unknown: 00:47:01

parents as best as I can equip educators and schools as best as

Unknown: 00:47:04

I can, because they're the ones that influenced the teams around

Unknown: 00:47:06

them. If you're interested in more of what I just talked about

Unknown: 00:47:10

today, my book is on Amazon. And it's called College is not

Unknown: 00:47:14

mandatory, a parent's guide to navigating all the options

Unknown: 00:47:17

available to our kids after high school. And it has the

Unknown: 00:47:20

background, we kind of covered all of the options. And then I

Unknown: 00:47:23

give a coaching guide. How do you have these conversations

Unknown: 00:47:26

with your kids? How do you set them up? What does it look like?

Unknown: 00:47:30

And what kind of questions do I ask? I put them all in the guide

Unknown: 00:47:33

there. And you of course, customize them for your own

Unknown: 00:47:35

child.

Nellie Harden: 00:47:37

All right, well, I just subscribed to your

Nellie Harden: 00:47:40

YouTube. So yeah. And I hope you listening do too. This was a

Nellie Harden: 00:47:45

wonderful talk. Thank you so much for being here. And all of

Nellie Harden: 00:47:49

the topics that we covered. I know it was super impactful to

Nellie Harden: 00:47:51

me, and I know it was for others as well. Thank you so much, you

Nellie Harden: 00:47:54

guys and I will see you next week on another episode of the

Nellie Harden: 00:47:58

6570 family project podcast. Happy building. Thank you so

Nellie Harden: 00:48:03

much for listening today. And I hope you were able to take

Nellie Harden: 00:48:06

something from our discussion that you can use to build the

Nellie Harden: 00:48:09

foundation of selfless leadership in your own family.

Nellie Harden: 00:48:13

If you are a parent with children 17 or younger, and

Nellie Harden: 00:48:16

especially those around nine and up, I would love to extend an

Nellie Harden: 00:48:21

invitation to you to the best club in town. The family

Nellie Harden: 00:48:25

architects Club is a private club where intentional parents

Nellie Harden: 00:48:29

go that want to love support, connect or reconnect and really

Nellie Harden: 00:48:34

truly help guide their kids and teach them how to self lead in

Nellie Harden: 00:48:38

discipline and leadership. This is an online community and the

Nellie Harden: 00:48:42

you are welcome to it. Parenting is a project and you are the

Nellie Harden: 00:48:47

architect of this one. You plan you design and oversee the

Nellie Harden: 00:48:51

construction of the beginning of someone else's life. And that's

Nellie Harden: 00:48:55

what goes into these first 6570 days. And it will be the

Nellie Harden: 00:49:00

foundation for the rest of their lives. So come join the club.

Nellie Harden: 00:49:03

You can find your invitation on the front page of my website

Nellie Harden: 00:49:07

Nelly hardened.com that is n e ll ie H AR d e n.com. Thank you

Nellie Harden: 00:49:15

again for being a part of this conversation today. And if

Nellie Harden: 00:49:17

something really resonated with you, or if you have a question,

Nellie Harden: 00:49:21

please don't hesitate to connect with me. You can find me on

Nellie Harden: 00:49:24

Instagram at Nelly Hardin. And lastly, if you love the

Nellie Harden: 00:49:27

information, please please leave a five star review and a comment

Nellie Harden: 00:49:32

so more and more families can be impacted by harnessing the

Nellie Harden: 00:49:36

strength of these ideas and tools in their own families. So

Nellie Harden: 00:49:40

thank you so much. Happy building you guys and I'll see