Guardrails on Technology are a MUST!

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Hello and welcome to the 6570 family project

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podcast. If you are a parent of a tween teen or somewhere on the

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way, this is exactly the place for you. This is the playground

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for parents who want to raise their kids with intention,

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strength and joy. Come in here all the discussions, get all the

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tactics and have lots of laughs along the way. We will dive into

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the real challenges in raising kids today how to show up as

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parents and teach your kids how to show up as members of the

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family and individuals of the world. My name is Mellie Hardin,

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big city girl turn small town sipping iced tea on the front

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porch mama, who loves igniting transformation in the hearts and

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minds of families by helping them build self love, discipline

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and leadership that elevates the family experience. And sets the

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kids up with a rock solid foundation they can launch their

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life on all before they ever leave home. This is the 6570

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family project. Let's go

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Hello, everyone. Welcome to another episode of the 6570

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family project podcast where we are putting aside the power

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struggles and finding the path to lead our young women toward

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confidence, wisdom and respect. So they can prepare to be out in

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the great big world out there. As you can probably tell my

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voice is a little off today. You guys I spent a weekend in the

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very frigid mountains of North Carolina. It is winter time

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right now. February actually. And there was a lot of fun

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things to do. We tried skiing, there was a swing that you had

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dropped from. I am a youth leader in the community. And we

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were out there on a winter retreat. So it was me to other

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extraordinary women. And let's see 1917 young women all in

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middle and high school and we had a bunch of young men with us

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as well. And I think it was the dropping from the swing it was a

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swing that lifted you Gosh, probably 4550 feet in the air

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and then dropped you and we did it at night. And I think that's

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when I lost my voice which was the first night we were there.

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But probably screaming as I was skiing down the hill at people

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to watch out because I was coming after them in my not so

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coordinated skiing didn't help the voice. But that is why I am

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a little raspy today but full of heart full of joy full of so

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much after spending the last few days just really focused on and

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being in the world of these young women. And so one thing I

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wanted to come on here today and just talk about is I found it

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really interesting that when we get to these retreats the one of

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the very first things that we do is we ask them to all gather

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their phones and we collect them right and this is supposed to be

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an unplugged weekend. We are a Christian organization we want

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you to just really focus inward of course have fun your you know

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friends are there. But really just having that reflection time

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right and all of those distractions from the world all

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of that nagging you know, phones, those notifications, it

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reminds me of this little like two year old on your sleeve

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going look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me now. Look

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at me now look at me now right? How annoying i Better with You

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got annoyed just listening to me say that. And I think he only

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said it four times notifications go off hundreds of times a day.

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And they are like the nagging two year old. So anyway, we get

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there. And we asked everybody within minutes. Okay guys time

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to hand in your phones. And the look of just like, Okay, here it

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is, you know, and these are not girls that you would think Oh,

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well. Maybe they don't use their phone all that much. Oh, no, no,

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no, they are like, you know, the rest of teens in America. Rest

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of most adults in America are addicted to phones. And but when

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they pass them in, it was like, Ah, okay, I can I can breathe

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now I can go now. And everybody was just super happy. There was

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not reluctance. You know, sometimes you'd be like, No, I

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don't want to give up my phone. Or are you sure? Can I keep it

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just for this? Whatever. No, it just was fine. Everybody knows

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we collect phones. And they go in there. And what I find really

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interesting is I was talking to before prior to this on

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Wednesday nights, which is when we all gather anyway, I was

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talking to a young group and it was just myself and maybe four

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or five young women all let's see, there's sophomores,

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juniors, seniors High School that I was speaking with. And

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they said one of their most favorite things, and that they

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do as far as their phones is give them up when we are going

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on these trips. And I found that really interesting because you

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guys, they don't want to be like tied to these things. You don't

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want to be tied like tethers to these phones either. But it is

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just the world we live in, in the quote unquote, Norm right

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that we have, because they feel like they have to be because

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they're going to have FOMO, they're going to miss out on

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something, they're not going to be a part of something that's

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happening. And people expect them always to know, right?

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There's the whole, you know, Oh, someone left me on red. Right?

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And thank you, iPhones, now we have it, which is helpful in

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some ways, and really not helpful in others. When you send

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a text to somebody, it says if they have read it or not, right,

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it's sent, it's delivered. And then it is read. And if someone

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reads it and doesn't reply, the sky is falling, and they left me

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on red, which means they don't care or I am not worth it. Or so

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emergency is happening, right? It is catastrophizing, all of

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these things. But it just doesn't need to be be that way.

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Right. And so they don't want to be tethered to it, but they feel

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like they have to be. And I find that really interesting. Because

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when I was talking to this young group of women, before we even

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left on this trip, they were talking about how nice it would

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be to have more boundaries. And these young women didn't have

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any boundaries, except for one said, You know what, when we go

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to restaurants, I'm not allowed to take them in like, cool,

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awesome, you know? And then another one said, Well, I'm not

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allowed to stay on my phone until like, two in the morning

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or anything. And I was like, Gulp two in the morning, what,

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you know, no way. And so I was like, what is the 130? I don't

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know. But, and that's not to say these parents aren't great

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parents, because they are their great parents, it's just that we

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have been so inclined to just accept these phones as part of

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our society. Now these phones, these electronics, this access

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to the world, and we kind of forget that we can put some

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boundaries up and these kids are begging, begging for some

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boundaries. And when I talked about what we do in our home,

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which like I am not the end all be all by any means. But

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through, you know, trial and error with our four kids are for

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young women who are 1214 14 and 16. Right now, what we do is six

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o'clock, all the phones are in a box in our office upstairs, and

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it is my husband and I's office. And that is where the phones go.

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And they stay in there until 11 o'clock in the morning, the next

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day. Now I do have one that goes to school, my oldest goes to

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school and she's driving. And of course we let her have her phone

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for that because emergencies etc. So she gets her phone

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earlier in the morning, but the rest of them that are home

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because I'm still homeschooling three of them, they stay in that

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box until 11am. And between 11 and six, they can have their

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phones, and they get 30 minutes whenever they want in their

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after chore in school, of course, to have fun play games,

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you know, do whatever they want text and do things, but a half

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hour a day staring at the screen. And then they you know,

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they get TV time to which is a separate, you know, boundary

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that we have, but as far as their screens go a half hour a

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day, whenever they want between 11 and six, which was really

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funny because some of the kids on the bus, it was a long bus

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ride to this place, y'all. So we had, let's see, it was a little

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over. That was about a 50 hour trip. Let's call it 24 of those

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hours were spent on a bus. We had some issues one time with

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things but yeah, 24 hours on this bus with these 29 kids.

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Like I said 17 of them were 18 of them. I'm sorry, we're young

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women. So anyway, some people found out because my kids were

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just oh yeah, this is what we do with our phones. And I had kids

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coming up to me and being like, you only let your kids be on

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their phones for 30 minutes a day. And we're like, yeah, you

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know, my husband's a youth leader too. So he was on the

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trip as well. And so we're like, yeah, and, you know, it's plenty

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of time and to you know, do your stuff and whatever. Of course

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when they're on the bus they were allowed to have you know,

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more because we were on the bus for 24 hours. And, but and they

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were all playing among us and things like that with friends.

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But anyway, so many people were shocked and we're like, yeah,

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yeah, well, that's what we do. And you know, it's our boundary.

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It's our it's our standard and, but what I found with other kids

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is they were almost new jealous of that? They were like, wow,

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that's, that's really interesting, huh. And the more I

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spend with this generation of young men and women, and

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especially the young women that I that I mentor, they really are

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looking for these beautiful boundaries. And I have spent it

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just in 2022. Alone, you guys, so what we're about six weeks

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in, so in just this year alone, I have done about 40 interviews,

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like long winded interviews with parents from around the globe,

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I'm talking coast to coast in the United States, England,

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Africa, Philippines, France, Canada, Australia. The number

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one obstacle that every single parent brings up that they face

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in raising their kids today is social media and technology,

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social media and technology. So the question then begs, why are

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we having such a huge problem with our children having too

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much of something with something that they need and want a break

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from anyway? Right? It's not going to be like, you go up to

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your kid and say, Okay, well, why don't we start, you know,

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some boundaries and put, you know,

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why don't we have your phone over here? And they're gonna be

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like, Sure, Mom, that sounds great, right? It's not going to

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be that way. Let's be honest. There is this veneer of, of

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defiance. Right? There's this veneer of

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I, you know, this shouldn't be, I should be able to have this

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right entitlement type thing going on. But you can get

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through the video, I promise you can get through the veneer. But

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that is the that is the great question. We're having such a

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problem with this coast to coast worldwide. Number one answer

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from every single parent, there wasn't one parent that didn't

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have this, in their top three obstacles that they're facing as

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a parent of a teen and tween today of a young woman. And I'm

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sure it's the same with young men too, because many of these

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parents also had young men and for sons. And what I found so

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interesting is that these these girls, these young women are

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begging for boundaries on something that we are having a

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problem with. Anyway. So hundreds are beautiful. You

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guys, my youngest daughter, and I, and my youngest daughter now

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is 12. Her name is journey. And when she was, gosh, it was 2014.

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So about five years old. We were in a massive car accident. I was

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heading down the highway, and it was one of those highways that

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has a stoplight, you know every so often. So we were stopped at

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a stoplight. And we were maybe three, four cars back 345. And I

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look in the rearview mirror, mirror. And there is a huge,

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like dually white pickup truck barreling down behind me. And I

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just start going, he's not going to stop. My daughter's watching

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frozen, you know, we got let it go screaming at the top of the

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lungs in the car. She's five years old in her car seat, of

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course. And this truck is not stopping. And I'm like what do I

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do? I don't want to be pancaked between these two but I also

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like didn't want them to just ran into the car in front of me.

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And but I had to think really quick. And so I turned the wheel

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and as soon as I turn the wheel and he hit really hard, I don't

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even know how many miles per hour he hit me but he never hit

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the brake before he hit me. That's uh, he just slammed right

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in. But when he hit I had turned the wheel so I did not hit the

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car in front of me. And he was stopped by my van. So he didn't

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hit the car in front of me either. And he he hit us. We

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went down the median. And it was kind of a little valley type

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deal. We went down the median and back up the other side hit

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the guardrail, which stopped us from going into oncoming traffic

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on the other side of the highway, which was going like

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gangbusters. And if that guardrail, if that boundary

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would not have been there, I would not have been there. My

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daughter would not have been there. She actually came out of

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her car seat in the midst because we had a back end

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collision followed by a front end collision. The van was of

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course totaled, but she had flown out of her car seat. All

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the windows were busted in. I was trapped in the car. Both of

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us walked out of there. She had like a tiny I mean, it was like

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equivalent to a paper cut scratch on her back. That was

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it. And I was fine. We were emotionally shaken up, of

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course, mentally shaken up, of course, but physically fine. But

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it was that boundary. It was that guardrail that kept us

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alive. And that's what I see in here when I think about

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boundaries and guardrails, right? Driving is fine. Driving

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is good boundaries and guardrails keep you safe on that

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road. Right? And that's the same thing with social media

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technology that we're facing today. And, you know, if your

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kids needed for school, awesome, right, we have kind of a saying,

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you know, I have a job where I am, you know, helping families

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be able to help raise their, their daughters and their kids.

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And if I have to get on to do something, if I'm recording a

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podcast in Australia, there's crazy hours and what have you,

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and it falls within that, you know, 6pm to 11am thing. It's

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okay, because I'm like, you know, what, I am helping

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humanity, I am helping families grow, that is a different reason

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than getting on to, you know, check texting, or, you know,

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play some game or whatever it is. So there's some, there's

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some exceptions to that guardrail. But otherwise, it's

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pretty much there. And within the 6570, right, the 6570 days

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that we are training our children for adulthood, that's

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the whole purpose of childhood. Now we have a whole lot of fun

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in there, we nurture, right, it's not just like a regimented,

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we are training you it's not boot camp, right. Although

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sometimes it can feel that way. It isn't boot camp, but we are

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nurturing, we are growing their emotional intelligence, we are

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growing their interpersonal intelligence, so they know how

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to carry on a conversation and, and relate to people and have

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empathy toward people, right. We are also growing their practical

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wisdom within that time. So they know how to do something when

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they get out of here. And they don't stare at a washing machine

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and wonder where you put the quarters in and it takes care of

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you or the magical person comes around the corner to take care

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of it. And we of course, have a educational wisdom that is

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poured into them during the 6570. But we are teaching them

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and leading them to be able to set healthy boundaries on their

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own. And they will never be able to set healthy boundaries on

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their own. If they're not taught if the seed isn't planted to

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what that looks like, by you.

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Right by parents. We are their teacher to prepare them for

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adulthood. And we want them to set healthy boundaries as

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adults, which means we need to help them set healthy

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boundaries. Now, remember, training ground planting the

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seeds? It is the driver's ed of adulthood, right? It is? What

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adulting Ed? Can we can we call it that? adulting ed. So you

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guys healthy boundaries are wonderful. And I'm really diving

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into this. There's no way I could cover it in one podcast,

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but I just wanted to put that drop in your ear right now that

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we are having this massive problem with our kids spending

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too much time on social media getting too sucked in losing

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their identities, losing their self esteem, bullying, right. I

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had a huge discussion with a with a parent group about that

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today, the bullying and is it happening face to face? Nope.

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It's happening over texting these big group chats and

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leaving people out and saying things and screenshots and

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being. I mean, it is a mess y'all it is it is such a mess.

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But we're having such a problem with it. Yet the kids are also

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begging to have some boundaries about that. So I just want to

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perk I want to have you percolate on that for a little

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bit. And I will be back to you next week with a wonderful

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interview. And with a guest that is going to be talking about

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what to do on the dinner table. It is so fascinating. And I

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loved it. She's so funny. And it really brings the family

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together with food. I mean, do my favorite things. It's

Nellie Harden: 00:18:51

awesome. But that is next week and then the next week I will

Nellie Harden: 00:18:53

come back to you and we're gonna dive into this a little bit more

Nellie Harden: 00:18:57

again. But until next time, you guys, keep teaching, keep

Nellie Harden: 00:19:01

laughing keep loving and above all remember to keep showing up

Nellie Harden: 00:19:05

with intention in the 6570 parenthood childhood experience

Nellie Harden: 00:19:10

because they need you. Alright guys, I'll see you next time.

Nellie Harden: 00:19:17

Thank you so much for listening today. And I hope you were able

Nellie Harden: 00:19:20

to take something from our discussion that you can use to

Nellie Harden: 00:19:23

build the foundation of self love leadership in your own

Nellie Harden: 00:19:26

family. If you are a parent with children 17 or younger, and

Nellie Harden: 00:19:30

especially those around nine and up, I would love to extend an

Nellie Harden: 00:19:35

invitation to you to the best club in town. The family

Nellie Harden: 00:19:39

architects Club is a private club where intentional parents

Nellie Harden: 00:19:43

go that want to love support, connect or reconnect and really

Nellie Harden: 00:19:48

truly help guide their kids and teach them how to self lead in

Nellie Harden: 00:19:52

discipline and leadership. This is an online community and you

Nellie Harden: 00:19:57

are welcome to it. Parenting is a process object and you are the

Nellie Harden: 00:20:01

architect of this one. You plan you design and oversee the

Nellie Harden: 00:20:05

construction of the beginning of someone else's life. And that's

Nellie Harden: 00:20:09

what goes into these first 6570 days, and it will be the

Nellie Harden: 00:20:14

foundation for the rest of their lives. So come join the club,

Nellie Harden: 00:20:17

you can find your invitation on the front page of my website,

Nellie Harden: 00:20:21

Nelly hardin.com. That is N E ll ie H AR D n.com. Thank you again

Nellie Harden: 00:20:29

for being a part of this conversation today. And if

Nellie Harden: 00:20:31

something really resonated with you, or if you have a question,

Nellie Harden: 00:20:35

please don't hesitate to connect with me. You can find me on

Nellie Harden: 00:20:38

Instagram at Nellie Hardin. And lastly, if you love the

Nellie Harden: 00:20:41

information, please please leave a five star review and a comment

Nellie Harden: 00:20:46

so more and more families can be impacted by harnessing the

Nellie Harden: 00:20:49

strength of these ideas and tools in their own families. So

Nellie Harden: 00:20:54

thank you so much. Happy building you guys and I'll see